So am I going to make predictions for 2006? You bet. I'm not going to predict which party wins the midterm elections or who wins the Super Bowl, though - I'm only going to make predictions, though, that I'm absolutely certain will come true!
Some of the things that will happen in 2006 will include the following:
John Kerry will send out e-mails to express his support for a liberal agenda he knows has no chance of passing Congress to boost his chances in a presidential race he has no chance of winning.
The United States will not win the World Cup soccer tournament, but its coach will say it is an honor to compete - even if they finish last. If they make a respectable showing, however, no one will notice.
The Supreme Court vacancy will be filled even if George W. Bush has to reappoint Sandra Day O'Connor.
The Oscars will air on March 5. Joan Rivers and her daughter will take cheap shots at everyone's clothes, and the ceremony itself will run overtime because the Best Original Screenplay Oscar winners will give rambling speeches they should have edited beforehand . . . or something like that.
Madonna will tour again, and her detractors, including me, will once again explain why her career is finally waning, even though no one has paid attention to us since 1994.
If the state of popular music continues to get worse, we will still need Paul McCartney when he turns 64 on June 18.
Finally, American athletes will win some medals at the Winter Olympics in Torino, but no one will care unless one of them is figure skater Michelle Kwan and her medal is gold. And even then, disgruntled men will wait patiently for the Winter Olympics to end so their wives will let them get back to watching NBA basketball on the tube.
Happy New Year, indeed. :-p
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