On behalf of the residents of Bowling Green, Kentucky, a city I have never set foot in, which works out fine since I've never set foot in Kentucky either, I can state without fear of contradiction that they, 63,616 people strong, the survivors of a terrorist attack that never happened . . .
. . . express their sincerest and deepest solidarity with the people of Sweden, a nation most Kentuckians have historically derided for having high taxes, a king and government-run health care, as the Swedish people cope with the absence of a terrorist attack against them that did not happen this past Friday.
And I've never been to Sweden ether. Neither, apparently, has Donald Trump. I'm pleased to know, though, that he takes his role as President of the United States seriously enough to inform us of these terrible attacks on no one and the horror of these infamous non-deeds.
Thanks for everything, Trump. You're a guy.