Tuesday, June 30, 2015

A Joke About Immigrants That is Not Racist (Really)

(A break from the news.  This joke has nothing to do with country of origin or race.  It's strictly a comical anecdote about how one immigrant stumbles into learning the U.S.'s dominant language.)
An immigrant arrives in America speaking no English. He feels the best way to learn is to buy a television set and watch American TV. So he buys one and hooks it up to the cable-ready jack in his apartment. He starts watching different channels.
He watches a PBS documentary on the staging of an opera. An opera singer is shown warming up, singing "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!"
Next he watches the Game Show Network, where he hears an announcer yell, "A new car! And a trip to Miami Beach!"
Then he tunes into TV Land, where a "Leave it to Beaver" episode is playing. "Ahh, shuddup, squirt," says Eddie Haskell, "or I'll split your lip open!"
Then he tunes into VH-1 Classic while a Nazareth video is playing. He hears Dan McCafferty sing, "Now yo' meesin' with a sonabitch!" 
He changes the channel one more time and catches an old "Batman" episode, where he hears the theme song. "Da na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, Batman!" 
He then goes outside to try out the English he's learned. As he steps out of the apartment building, a policeman approaches him. "Sir," the policeman says, "a man who lives in this building was robbed of his money - $100,000 in cash. Do you know who did it?"
The immigrant replies, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!"
"You?" the policeman says. "What did you do it for?"
"A new car!" the immigrant says. "And a trip to Miami Beach!"
"Young man," the policeman replies, "you've committed a major crime. You're in serious trouble."
"Ahh, shuddup, squirt," says the immigrant, "or I'll split your lip open!"
"Don't talk like that to me!' the policeman exclaims. "You don't know whom you're dealing with!"
"Now yo' messin' with a sonabitch!" the immigrant says.
"That's it," the policeman says. "You're under arrest." He handcuffs the immigrant and leads him away. "Boy," he tells him, "I'd like to know who you think you are!"
The immigrant replies, "Da na na na na na na na, BATMAN!"

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