Build Back Bigger?

Why, why, why, why, every time President Biden promotes electric vehicles, is he always showing off electric SUVs and pickups the size of Ohio? 

He was in Detroit yesterday pointing out the benefits of electric vehicles and how developing them and installing more public chargers for them will make American companies and workers more innovative and prosperous, as he's done before.  Instead of speaking next to a Chevrolet Bolt or a Ford Mustang Mach-E, though, he extols the virtues of vehicles such as the humungous Ford F-150 Lightning or, as he did yesterday, the obnoxiously big GMC Hummer.

A car guy like Biden should know that, gasoline-powered or electric, such big vehicles take too much raw material to produce, they're too cumbersome to drive, and they're little more than refrigerators in wheels.

Dear Mr. President: Stop pandering to red-state voters who won't give up their pickup trucks and off-road wagons who will never vote for you anyway.  Start promoting small, compact, fun-to-drive EVs instead!  Americans should learn that bigger isn't always better, and we can't have our cake and eat it too by purchasing and driving monster wagons that don't emit carbon monoxide.  These monstrosities have made driving an absolute terror for those of us who appreciate the small size and agility of a Volkswagen compact.

Yeah, I bought German.  And I will again, if VW ever sends its Golf-sized ID.3 to the States!    

The Michigan Rag

With floods ravaging the central area of Michigan's Lower Peninsula - centered around the Midland, the headquarters of Dow Chemical - Trump has tried to use federal funding to deal with the flood damage, caused mainly by failing dams, to get Governor Gretchen Whitmer to stop distributing applications for mail-in ballots.  He confused the applications with actual ballots, saying that what Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, below, was doing was illegal (it's not) and threatening to withhold funding to help with the Midland disaster if Benson persisted.

Benson fired back, explaining that what she did was perfectly legal and perfectly bipartisan.  "In November of 2018," she told MSNBC's Chris Hayes, "citizens voted overwhelmingly to give themselves this right to vote by mail. It was supported by citizens on both sides of the political spectrum, and it's something citizens on both sides of the political spectrum have done."  Indeed; other states, such was Republican-dominated West Virginia, have pursued voting by mail.  Trump himself votes by mail.  But he is trying to deny voters in Democratic states, and in swing states like Michigan, the opportunity to do so in a presidential election where Trump is behind in the polls but in which Democrats are reluctant to vote in person in the middle of an interminable pandemic.

Trump clearly has Michigan in his sights, as he visited the state this past week and toured a Ford factory making ventilators to respond to the COVID-19 outbreak.  He reportedly did not violate the policy requiring to wear a mask at first, but only wore it briefly.  Later - unmasked - Trump, who has long since bene unmasked for the rotten leader he is, praised the Ford Motor Company for its contributions to American economy and praised company founder Henry Ford for his good bloodlines.  Henry Ford was a vicious anti-Semite who believed there was a Jewish conspiracy aiming to take over America and the world.

So who won this round?  Apparently, Michigan's mostly female Democratic leadership.  This past Thursday, Trump approved Governor Whitmer's request for federal aid to deal with the flooding in Midland this past Thursday despite his threats to cut off aid.  The Federal Emergency Management Association is now authorized to direct all equipment and resources necessary to handle the flooding, with emergency protective measures to be provided at 75 percent federal funding.  And the ballot applications got sent out.

Meanwhile, as Ford continues to make ventilators in the Ypsilanti, Michigan plant that Trump visited, the COVID-19 pandemic has caused two Ford factories - one of which was making Ford F-150 pickup trucks - to temporarily shut down when workers tested positive for the disease.  Sort of appropriate karma for a car company that, while no longer promoting anti-Semitism, now promotes the purchase of gas-guzzling pickups and truck-based monster wagons.

Return of the Son of Monster Wagon

Shortly after Volkswagen of America CEO Scott Keogh declared that a backlash against SUVs - henceforth to be called "monster wagons" on this blog - was imminent, Volkswagen of America itself released a survey that apparently contradicts Keogh's prediction.

As noted in an earlier post, a survey taken by Volkswagen of America in September 2019, the findings of which were released this month (December 2019), revealed that people who buy monster wagons, like the VW Atlas (above), not only love them, they plan to stick with that style when considering future car purchases.  Over nine in ten owners of monster wagons rank them as the best cars for the money, and 87 percent say they do not plan to buy another style of vehicle in the future.  Ninety-four percent of them feel more confident when driving one, and 90 percent of parents agree that they will continue to own a monster wagon for as far as they an see - which is forever, considering that they can see very well behind the wheel of one, blocking the views of us sedan and hatchback drivers in the process.

Even more frightening, owners of monster wagons regard their vehicles as living rooms on wheels -  more than eight out of ten parents say that they're perfect places for family discussions (hey, lady, stop lecturing Junior about his girlfriend and pay attention to the road, and so what if she's not of your religion?) and that it creates a new space for family time (come on, people, you can't play Yahtzee in a moving car!). Conclusion: Monster wagons are a bigger threat to what passes for American civilization than previously thought.

Oh yeah, here are other reasons why Americans love their monster wagons. Men appreciate the comfortable seating for their fat pantloads, while women appreciate the improved safety in a collision with, say, a Toyota Yaris, which is going to be on the losing end in a crash with a Lincoln Navigator.

"This survey confirms that our current portfolio of SUVs aligns with what consumers are prioritizing here in the U.S.," Hein Schafer, Senior Vice President, Product Marketing and Strategy for Volkswagen of America, said in response to the survey.  "All of our SUVs rank high on independent measures of comfort, standard safety features and passenger space within their classes.:  Schafer added that Volkswagen of America is "focused on those priorities as we develop new entries like our upcoming subcompact SUV."

Contradictions in terms notwithstanding ("subcompact SUV"?), it's clear to see which direction Volkswagen is going in America, and that makes it more difficult for me to push for the inclusion of the base eighth-generation Golf hatchback in the brand's U.S. lineup (which I'm still up to; please visit my other blog).  But what can I do?  Just look at how these auto companies have brainwashed gullible, unsuspecting, stupid Americans into buying these ugly behemoths and pumping up their profit margins.  Leaving Volkswagen aside, I'm appalled by all of the automobile manufacturers that concentrate solely on monster wagons and their evil relations, pickup trucks, in their commercials.  A commercial for the Ford Escape encourages people to by one and take it into the woods to chop down an evergreen for a Christmas tree because, although you could go to a tree lot or garden center in town, you have a four-wheel drive vehicle and you have to set an example to set for your children.  Right, an example of environmental degradation by chopping down your own Christmas tree at will as an example, even though Christmas trees sold in lots and garden centers are responsibly grown on Christmas tree farms.  Or the Chevrolet commercial advertising the Christmastime employee discount offer to people who don't work for Chevrolet - not one vehicle in the commercial is a Malibu sedan or a Bolt electric hatchback!

And don't get me started on Land Rover's commercial showing Olympic skiing champion Mikaela Shiffrin using a Range Rover to get to the top of a mountain so she can go downhill skiing - how is she going to get back to her Range Rover?

The silver lining in this survey VW conducted is that it focused on present owners of monster wagons, not owners of other types of cars who are planning to buy monster wagons in the future.  And people who buy monster wagons may be a majority, but when you look at what people own, a cursory census of the American highway will reveal many older sedans and hatchbacks still on the road - some dating back to the last century - as many Americans hold onto their cars longer in Donald Trump's precarious economy.  But the scary thing about monster wagons is that they do account for a majority of new-vehicle sales and seem to have become entrenched in the ten-day auto sales reports; thus, they've become a permanent fixture on the road.  And voting Trump out of office is not going to change that, given that most Americans tend to be morons no matter who's running the country.  

But hey, soccer moms love their monster wagons, and pretty soon they'll all look like Lily Munster or Creepella Gruesome (Morticia Addams had Lurch to chauffeur her), and I don't know of any wooden stake or silver bullet that can kill these ugly four-wheeler gas guzzlers.  When it comes to the American road, it's clearly a monster wagon driver's world; the rest of us are unable to see the road up ahead in it.   

I Really Wouldn't Rather Have a Buick

Buick is officially a monster-wagon brand now.

The Opel-made Buick Regal Sportback sedan (above) and its sister model, the Regal TourX wagon, will no longer be available after the 2020 model year.  Opel, now owned by Peugeot, is phasing it out, and thanks to the popularity of monster wagons, Buick will concentrate on just those and get out of the sedan business.  Which is a shame, even if you think Buicks are boring cars.  Buick has admittedly made some boring sedans, like the big old LeSabre of the early seventies and the Century of virtually every year, but it also offered interesting sedans like the Electra T-Type and, well, the Regal Sportback . . . and the later LeSabres and LaCrosses had elements of elegance and style that outweigh their lack of sportiness.  Understatement and subtlety were always the theme of Buick style and design, and traditional Buick sedans - and station wagons, like my uncle's LeSabre Estate - executed that theme flawlessly.  By contrast, the Enclave and the Envision monster wagons are as subtle as a pie in the face.

And anyone who thought that the monster-wagon "craze" was coming to an end has egg on theirs.

I give up.  It's become more obvious that automakers in general and Detroit automakers in particular have no interest in making or selling real cars in the U.S.  They instead push these big ugly boxes with cool advertising and get silly Americans to buy them because of the bigger profit margins on them. 

Even worse is that Americans show no signs of going back to simpler, more sensible vehicles. Volkswagen recently conducted a survey and found that 96 percent of American car-buyers ranked monster wagons as the best vehicles in value for money and 87 percent said that don't plan to own a vehicle other than a monster wagon in the future.  Also, alas, most Americans families say that monster wagons are replacing the living room as the place where they spend the most time talking to each other.  The front parlor has been replaced by the rear seat.

And I'm trying to convince Volkswagen to keep its base Golf in its U.S. lineup when the eighth generation arrives.  At least that's an easier task than a Buick dealer has in convincing me to by an Enclave.

I used to like Buicks because I thought they were handsome, comfortable cars, and in fact I like today's Buick Regal Sportback even more for the same reasons, plus it's a driver's car, the sort of car my uncle and my grandfather (my grandfather owned a Skylark) could never have anticipated.  But Buick always did have a lame side, and its switchover to an all-monster-wagon lineup has amplified its lameness exponentially.  And when 2021 comes, Buick will be one of the growing number of car brands I pass by completely at the auto show.     

A Necessary Change of Semantics

You know how Jesse Jackson got everyone referring to blacks as African-Americans and liberals as progressives?  Well, I'm instituting my own semantic rule.  From now on, sport utility vehicles, or "SUVs," are no longer going to be called either of those things on this blog.

Henceforth, I will call them "monster wagons."

For obvious reasons.

And I'll be calling crossovers the same thing as well, because just as Republicans think that African-American progressives are black liberals as far as they're concerned, well, as far as I'm concerned, a crossover is still an SUV.  I'm sorry - I mean, a monster wagon.

And I also call them monster wagons in part because - here's a shout-out to fans of "The Flintstones" - they remind me of Weirdly and Creepella Gruesome's hearse.

Also, please be sure to support my blog advocating for the sale of the base eighth-generation Volkswagen Golf - a car that's really sporty and utilitarian - in America.  My cause needs a hell of a start.  It could be made into a monster, if we all pull together as a team. ;-)