Hit Me With Your Worst Shot

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees for 2022 have been announced, and they will be formally inducted in Los Angeles (wait isn't the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland? Ahh, well, so were the Rams) on November 5. Rather than wait until then to offer my comments on the nominees, I'm going to do it now.  And not because November 5 is my birthday - my last Saturday birthday until 2033 - and I plan to be out celebrating that night (yeah, right!), but for another reason I will reveal at the end of this post.

First, let me tell you who didn't get inducted - Kate Bush, Beck, the MC5, Rage Against the Machine, or the New York Dolls. Which actually makes sense - because when you hold the induction ceremony in LA, those are the last acts guaranteed to sell tickets to it.  As further proof that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is more about celebrity than about artistry (well, it is a hall of "fame"), let's look at who was inducted for 2022, possibly the lamest induction class in over a decade:

Dolly Parton.  She's not rock and roll.  Even she says she's not rock and roll.  She asked the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to withdraw her nomination. But they didn't listen!

Pat Benatar.  A boring singer who mostly sang about broken hearts with just-add-water AOR arrangements. Guys who were horny teenage boys in the eighties who were turned on by dames in spandex outfits are the only ones who will applaud this.

Eminem.  Black or white, all rappers should be ineligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because they are, aesthetically, as much rock and roll as Dolly Parton.

Eurythmics.  Annie Lennox deserves too be inducted as a solo artist for her impeccable work. Dave Stewart deserves to be inducted as producer for his work with Ringo Starr, Bryan Ferry and Tom Petty, among others.  But they shouldn't be inducted as the Eurythmics. "Would I Lie To You?" is the only worthy record they ever made together.  As a duo, they're the anti-Loggins and Messina - they function better separately than together. 

Lionel Richie.  Look, I'll admit that Lionel Richie can rock out in subtle ways.  "Easy (Like Sunday Morning)," his 1977 hit with the Commodores, is a power ballad that would fit in snugly on AOR radio.  His solo hit "All Night Long" from 1983 is an infectious pop-rock tune you could imagine Phil Collins covering.  But he's put out so many soppy ballads that there's a reason why I call him the Motown Manilow. 

Carly Simon.  I'm on the fence about this one.  I like her hit singles, expect for "You're So Vain," which I love.  But does she rock out enough?  Probably more than her ex-husband James Taylor, but it's a tough call.  I'm inclined to say yes to this one.

Duran Duran.  I . . . think the world just ended.

Some of the award recipients in the subcategories are another mess.  Because Judas Priest couldn't get in as full-fledged inductees, they were given a Musical Excellence Award for 2022 along with R&B songwriters and producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis.  Is Dave Marsh still on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's board?  Because I would love to know how the man who once said Judas Priest was "for lovers of recycled Led Zeppelin riffs only" explains this.

Calypso singer Harry Belafonte and the late folk-blues guitarist and singer Elizabeth Cotten both get the 2022 Early Influence Award, which makes sense, and giving producer Jimmy Iovine an Ahmet Ertegun Award makes sense as well, but giving the Ahmet Ertegun Award to singer turned hip-hop mogul Sylvia Robinson does not.  (She wasn't even a great singer.)  And that same award is also going to . . .  Allen Grubman?  A lawyer?  Because his clients include pop stars such as Bruce Springsteen, Madonna and Mariah Carey? What did he represent them in, their divorce cases? Actually, he's getting it because he is, as Newsweek once called him, "perhaps the music industry's wealthiest and most powerful attorney."  Oh.

So why am I going through all of this now instead of waiting until November?  I've long since been resigned to the fact that my criticisms of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame don't matter, and I know that the Hall is considered sacrosanct enough by so many people that for Dolly Parton to refuse her induction despite her own wishes would be like a cardinal refusing the papacy after being chosen for it.  But the direction of the Hall has been hijacked by proponents of a broader definition of rock and roll who want to include popular music that doesn't have the slightest resemblance to rock and who want to "own the rockists" - that is, drive crazy those of us WTFing all over social media when someone like a pop diva or a rapper gets inducted at the expense of classic-rock stalwarts who won't even get nominated. Since most rockists tend to be white guys who grew up listening to AOR in the seventies and eighties who prefer a Leslie West guitar riff to a Kanye West autotuning, owning the rockists has become a popular indoor sport.

Therefore . . . I'm through commenting on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Don't expect me to bring it up in 2023, 2024 or beyond.  Even if Jethro Tull do get inducted (yeah, right!).  It's too late for that.  I've had enough.  The Hall's board members' refusal to abide by Dolly Parton's wishes and remove her from contention shows what a bunch of pricks they really are.  Jimmy Guterman and Owen O'Donnell said it for all time: "The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is an oxymoron. If you want your work to be recognized in a museum, learn to paint."

So . . . I think I'll be . . . I'm quitting . . .  Rock and Roll Hall of Fame commentary now.  

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was originally established to honor rock and roll performers but has since gone on to include performers representing a variety of pop styles.  See you 'round the clubs. 😛

Judas Priest, It's Martin O'Malley!

It's September 2018, and even though Martin O'Malley is working diligently to help Democrats win public office in the coming state legislative and congressional elections, and even though he's possibly laying the groundwork for a 2020 presidential run in the process, establishment Democrats and pundits continue to laugh at him, joking that he won't let lack of interest in his existence stop him from undistinguishing himself with another presidential campaign.

It's time to turn things up a notch or two.

I propose that the campaign song for the possible 2020 O'Malley presidential campaign be "You've Got Another Thing Comin'" by Judas Priest.

Why?  Because, as O'Malley knows, it's foolish to sit back as the world goes by, and that's the message "You've Got Another Thing Comin'" conveys, its lyrics urging listeners to go out and get what they can and prepare to fight hard for it - 'cause it's a case of do or die.  And there ain't room for second best, so if Martin O'Malley is going to overcome the naysayers and the snark, well, that's right, here's where the talkin' ends - and listen, in this presidential campaign, there'll be some action spent. Out there is the White House, waiting to be had. You think O'Malley will let it go, you're mad! You've got another thing coming, and it's coming down on you!

O'Malley has to put down his acoustic guitar and pick up an electric one - preferably a Schecter V-1 like this one.

"But Steve," you're saying, "O'Malley has to appeal to young people who like rap and dance pop, a song like this from a pasty-faced British heavy-metal band is no way to get their votes!"  Screw it.  He needs a loud and offensive song to get people's attention and show that he means business.  Besides, Hillary Clinton's use of songs like "Brave" and "Fight Song" in the 2016 campaign was so lame.  If we're going to get people revved up, we gotta use a record associated with a spiked-leather-clad dude like Rob Halford!

Real strong, got me some security!

This should be our fight song.  I also like the title of the Judas Priest album this song came from, as it describes what O'Malley supporters who got dumped on from all corners in 2016 are doing now - Screaming For Vengeance.

 

The answer now is don't give in, aim for a new tomorrow. ;)

Just What I Needed

The Rock and Roll Fall of Fame inductees for 2018 were just announced, and they are a mixed grill at first glance, but they make sense after you look closer.  The inductees are Bon Jovi, the Cars, Dire Straits, the Moody Blues, Nina Simone and Sister Rosetta Tharpe.

So you have three bona fide classic rock bands, a band that debuted in the MTV era, and two female influences on rock and roll - Nina Simone for her sultry soul and Sister Rosetta for her folk-gospel guitar playing.  And, in case you haven't noticed, the inductees are all either white men or black women - a perfect summation about how the sisters influenced those of us who aren't exactly brothers.

Which is why I wasn't very happy when I heard about complaints about Nina Simone being included because she wasn't rock and roll. Uh, dudes, could I see you in my office?  Nina Simone sang the blues, the music that gave rock and roll its meaning, and she influenced every white male rocker with open minds and open ears - including the Beatles.  "Michelle" would have been a straight and uninteresting ballad if John Lennon hadn't convinced Paul McCartney to emphasize a different syllable in the song's English-language lyrics after hearing Nina Simone do something similar in her recording of "I Put a Spell On You."  Here I am trying to stick up for rock and roll, and you're not doing me any favors by spewing out the sort of racism and misogyny that makes me feel bad for Omarosa Manigault-Newman.

But, in discussing the merits of the inductees, I'm getting ahead of myself.  Suffice it to say that I'm glad the Cars are in, though I'm not sure about the Moody Blues.  But the induction ceremony is in April, so I'll expand on the class of 2018 at that point.

A lot of folks are bound to be ticked off by who wasn't chosen; nominees got voted down include Rage Against the Machine, the Eurythmics, Radiohead, Judas Priest, Kate Bush, Depeche Mode, the J. Geils Band, the MC5, The Meters, Rufus, Link Wray and the Zombies.   There's bound to be rage against Rage Against the Machine's failure to get in, people are probably yelling "Judas Priest!" over the snub against Judas Priest ( the band took its name from Bob Dylan's song "The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest," although it's also a wholesome curse used in old Hollywood movies in place of "Jesus Christ").  But of course, I have to, as always, note who wasn't even nominated - Jethro Tull, the seventies British band critics love to hate, and Family, the greatest band you've never heard.  Especially Family.  Rock acts have to have released their debut records no sooner than twenty-five years before to qualify for induction, and Family released their first record fifty years ago this past September - "Scene Through the Eye of a Lens."   I will also note that July 2018 marks the fiftieth anniversary of their debut LP, Music In a Doll's House, the greatest debut album of 1968 that isn't the Band's Music From Big Pink.  Twenty eighteen would have been the perfect time to correct this long-overdue snub of the greatest band to come out of Leicestershire, but since American record buyers couldn't be bothered with Family back in 1968, the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame can't be bothered with them today either.

But here's a modicum of hope for fans of any non-American rock act who didn't have the good fortune to achieve commercial success in the U.S.  Billboard magazine reports that the 2018 class was voted on by over nine hundred artists, historians and record-business members who "weighed factors including musical influence on other artists, and length and depth of career and body of work," as well as "innovation and superiority in style and technique."  Look, Family influenced other artists - Freddie Mercury, I understand, was a fan, as is Cheap Trick's Rick Nielsen.  Length and depth of body of work?  Seven albums in five years.  Good enough for me.  Innovation?  Superior style?  Listen to A Song For Me and Fearless and you'll see that Family had both in their favor.  And the fact that not just Americans but people from other countries are now voting in these Rock Hall induction elections means that British acts we Yanks aren't that familiar with should be able to get a shot.  The Soft Machine?  Kevin Ayers?  Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel?  Lindisfarne?  Pulp?  Why not?

But Tull?  If they can't get in now despite their huge American fan base, they never will.  But Family might one day get in . . . in their own time.