No Country For Old "Men?"

CBS is boasting about how its aging sitcom "Two And a Half Men," inexplicably in its ninth season, is the most watched show on American broadcast television. I've always disliked this show, but I could never find the right words to explain my dislike for it . . . until television critic Alan Sepinwall of the Newark Star-Ledger offered up the following adjectives to describe it - "skeevy," "misogynistic," and "lazily crude."  Perfect - that sums it up! And that's the reason Sepinwall makes the big money. 

CBS's boasting is likely based on the nearly 29 million viewers "Two And a Half Men" pulled in for the 2011-12 season premiere - i.e., the debut of Ashton Kutcher, who's an actor like Ashlee Simpson is a live performer.  Kutcher's character, Walden Schmidt, is a wealthy but dimwitted man-child who buys Charlie Harper's house after Charlie (played by guess-who) is killed in a freak accident. Charlie's brother Alan (Jon Cryer) asks to stay on for awhile, with the audience understanding that he isn't going to leave any time soon.  And, if you believe CBS's hype, none of these characters are going anywhere.

But maybe they are.  My mother is a fan of the show - don't ask me why, please don't - and she saw Kutcher's debut on the show. (I didn't.)  She doesn't think it's going to work out in the long run, and she thinks the  show will go down the tubes.  She can't understand the appeal of Walden, who lazily and stupidly falls into one lucky break after another - especially when it comes to attracting women.  And, if I understand my mother correctly, Walden makes Alan's idiot son Jake look like Aristotle. 

Sometimes a cast member change on a television show can re-invigorate the show.  "M*A*S*H," which once occupied the time slot on CBS that "Two And a Half Men" now occupies, was already a good show when Wayne Rogers and McLean Stevenson both left in 1975, but their respective replacements, Mike Farrell and Harry Morgan, turned a good sitcom into a great one.  But while "M*A*S*H" was a deep human comedy with a stellar ensemble cast, "Two And a Half Men" is a shallow, cheap-laugh show that revolves around two and a half actors (Ashton Kutcher is the half actor here).  Charlie Sheen's departure couldn't ruin the show, because it started out ruined.  The initial curiosity the show is benefiting from right now with regards to how Kutcher fits in will likely fade as the season progresses.  Bear this in mind too - this is the third of the three seasons "Two and A Half Men" was renewed for in advance back in 2009.  The network and the producers had to go ahead with it one way or another - even without Sheen (who already has CBS executive Leslie Moonves' money, dude), there was a lot of dough involved here.  If the ratings trail off by May, there really won't be any need to renew it for a tenth season.

But that might happen.  Yes, the show may be skeevy, misogynistic, and lazily crude, but if there's one thing I've noticed about Americans' TV viewing habits, there's a big market for skeeviness, woman-hating, and lazy crudity.  Just don't tell my mother I said that. ;-)      

Better Without You

The media's obsession with Charlie Sheen, which allowed them to take their eyes off Wisconsin (just as Scott Walker hoped) is likely to cool, now that Sheen has been officially fired from "Two And a Half Men" - unless Sheen finds new ways to make a story out of himself. With Sheen gone, the fate of "Two And a Half Men" itself remains in question. Speculation has centered on the possibility of - this is strictly rumor with no factual basis - John Stamos or Christian Slater replacing Sheen, with no word on whether someone would replace Sheen as Charlie Harper or play a new character, possibly a cousin. How a cousin would take over Charlie's house would require an explanation with a heavy suspension of disbelief. Cancellation? No, "Two And a Half Men" had long before been renewed in advance for the 2011-12 season, so the producers will likely go forward without Sheen. They have to, really, because it would look ridiculous if Sheen got fired from a series that was going to go off the air anyway. It would be like a foreclosed homeowner letting the bank take over what's left of his house after it's been destroyed by a tornado. I know that analogy is in bad taste, but so is Charlie Sheen.

I remember when "Two And a Half Men" debuted at the start of the 2003-04 television season, and I had a viscerally negative reaction to the first episode. I figured the show wouldn't last. As long-time readers of this blog will know, I instead got into what I thought would be one of the biggest hits of that season, ABC's "I'm With Her," a sitcom about a famous movie actress (played by Teri Polo) who starts dating an underpaid Los Angeles schoolteacher. And, of course, while "Two And a Half Men" - whose depictions of manhood reduced it to a collection of studs, nerds and morons - became a hit, "I'm With Her" - whose male schoolteacher was presented as a nice, likable guy with a brain - lasted only one season. To see "Two And a Half Men" in such turmoil is, for me, a case of sour grapes and sweet revenge at the same time.

Meanwhile, at ABC today, "Better With You," which I commented on earlier, may be on its way out. Scheduled on Wednesday nights at 8:30 PM Eastern between two bona fide hit sitcoms - "The Middle" and "Modern Family" - it was expected to be a hit itself. "Better With You" is the only Wednesday night sitcom on ABC with a laugh track, and it's the only one of them that uses the three-camera approach pioneered by Desi Arnaz in the early fifties. I couldn't help but notice that, when ABC airs reruns of its sitcoms on Wednesday nights, "Better With You" is also the only one whose episodes, to the best of my recollection, aren't re-aired. It's not on at all during rerun periods; ABC shows two "Middle" reruns back-to-back, or maybe one "Modern Family" rerun and one "Middle" rerun, in the 8:00 PM Eastern hour instead. A rerun may be new to you if you haven't seen it, but ABC has apparently decided that reruns of "Better With You" won't interest anyone who hasn't already seen it yet.

Okay, let me stop beating around the bush: "Better For You" is sucking in the ratings. People would rather turn off the TV after "The Middle" and come back to watch "Modern Family" than sit through the saga of the Putney sisters, their quirky male partners, and their even quirkier parents, even though there's little you can do in a half-hour between TV shows. Thus, the 8:30 PM Eastern time slot on Wednesdays at ABC is the "walk the dog" period - because that's what many viewers who own dogs prefer to do when an unpopular sitcom is on between two popular ones. (Thanks to Star-Ledger TV critic Alan Sepinwall for that phrase.)

I watch "Better With You." That's because I don't have a dog. It does appear, however, that I'm watching one.

The smart money is that another new ABC Wednesday night sitcom, "Mr. Sunshine" - the new Matthew Perry sitcom which has temporarily replaced "Cougar Town," starring Perry's "Friends" alum Courteney Cox, in the 9:30 PM Eastern time slot - will move to 8:30 PM Eastern time slot once "Cougar Town" comes back. "Better With You" will then likely go to one-season wonderland (i.e., get axed). If it does get canceled, I won't miss it, unlike "I'm With Her." "Better With You" isn't a bad show, but it's a rather bland one that even the presence of Joanna Garcia Swisher -as she's now called because of her marriage to Yankees outfielder Nick Swisher - can't spice up.

Meanwhile, late word is that CBS has renewed "How I Met Your Mother" for two more seasons, meaning that the identity of Ted Mosby's wife (it's not Zoey, his current girlfriend) likely won't be revealed until after the next presidential election. I'll comment on "How I Met Your Mother" later. I may comment on the 2012 presidential election sooner.

Goodbye Charlie

I'm not going to talk about Charlie Sheen's stormy marital history. I'm not going to mention his alcohol and drug use. I'm not even going to get into his anti-Semitic comments or his insistence that he can cure his alcoholism through mind control. I'm just going to talk about how glad I am that production on "Two And a Half Men" has been canceled for the rest of the season.

I never liked "Two And a Half Men," as I've made clear on this blog several times before. I've never found much if any humor in a prurient, creepy sitcom about a hedonistic jingle writer sharing his beachfront house with his dweebish brother and dealing with his brother's crude and dimwitted son. I've never been comfortable laughing at characters who deserve to be bitch-slapped for the simple distinction of being themselves. It's hard to find any redeeming value in watching Jon Cryer recreate his Ducky persona from Pretty In Pink in his middle age. It's harder still to contemplate the fact that this is the most popular sitcom in America today. So I was obviously pleased when Sheen's behavior caused "Two And a Half Men" to suspend production and maybe even get canceled as a result.

Whatever charm Charlie Sheen had as an actor in the eighties, he managed to lose on this show by playing what turned out to be a variation of his own libidinous, excessive personality. I don't particularly feel sorry for him for potentially blowing his gig as Charlie Harper (the fact that he and his "Two And a Half Men" character have the same first name should make clear that the role doesn't require Sheen to do any acting), especially when syndication royalties for the reruns will continue to help pay for his destructive habits. I feel even less sorry for CBS's Leslie Moonves, who caved to Sheen's demands for more money just to keep this show on the air.

And I take back anything negative I might have said about Emilio Estevez.

What's the Matter With Charlie Sheen?

Is there anyone as deranged as Charlie Sheen?

How about the women who marry him?

By now, we've all heard the story of Martin Sheen's less talented son and how he threatened his wife, Brooke Mueller, with a knife after she expressed her desire for a divorce. Now Mueller says she and her husband hope to save the marriage. If I were a woman, I'd say - no, I'm just going to say it, I don't need to be a woman to say it - I say she should leave the jerk.

It's become apparent that Charlie Sheen is Holywood's biggest spoiled brat. He somehow commands the highest salary of any sitcom star today, despite the fact that "Two and a Half Men" - in which he plays a hedonist with a cushy job - doesn't require him to do much acting. He was guaranteed employment for three more seasons after the show was renewed for that length last year, and if the "Two and a Half Men" (hopefully) ends in 2012, he'll never have to work again. And yet Sheen is always ready to throw it all away at any minute.

For the time being, Sheen's wife and sons are staying in Colorado while he returns to Los Angeles to "work" on his situation "comedy." A restraining order has been placed against him. It was necessary, obviously, because when has Charlie Sheen ever voluntarily shown any restraint in any circumstance?