Go Jump In the Lake

You knew this was going to happen.

After failing to reach a trade deal with Canada that he believed could tilt an advantage to the United States, Trump imposed a 50 percent tariff on Canadian goods coming into the country.  When Prime Minister Mark Carney stood up to Trump and responded with retaliatory tariffs, Trump responded in the most mature way possible - he renamed Lake Ontario Lake America.

And even though he is wildly unpopular and even though even some Republicans - like Governor Phil Scott of Vermont - find his renaming move infantine and puerile, Google capitulated immediately and bestowed the name Lake America on the smallest of the Great Lakes in Google Maps.  And it still calls the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America, in case you wanted to know.  In North America, you'll only get to see a Google map refer to the lake as Lake Ontario if you live on the Canadian side of it.

The name change is for the federal government, so Google is theoretically not required to follow Trump's lead, but it did.  I can think of two reasons why that's the case.  First, Google, like other tech companies, wants a piece of the action.  If it doesn't play along, it can't be a player.  Trump will cut Google off for such defiance.   Second, Google CEO Sundar Pichai doesn't want to be lynched by MAGA extremists.

Like Google, the state of New York, the only state along Lake Ontario (and the only state with frontage on the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean, which allowed the Erie Canal to connect the Great Lakes region with New York City, making New York City the great city that it is), does not have to recognize the name change.  And New York Governor Kathy Hochul has made it clear that New York state won't be calling it Lake America.

There's just one problem - she only thinks New York State won't be calling it that. 

Because just as the Carter administration was able to coerce the United States Olympic Committee into complying with his boycott of the 1980 Moscow Olympics to protest the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan (with methods apparently unavailable to British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, who did not want the United Kingdom to participate in the Moscow Games but failed to get Team Great Britain to stay home), Trump can get Governor Hochul to comply by denying New York State federal aid, maybe deny infrastructure money to address the historically underfunded Lake Ontario State Parkway (which is still signed as such for now, as shown above and below) until it's called the Lake America State Parkway.  Maybe he can deny her federal aid in the event of a natural disaster - say, a lake-effect blizzard that hits Rochester and is caused by the very lake that Trump has renamed if New York State doesn't go along with the name change.  Or make New York State go along and deny Governor Hochul federal disaster aid anyway. 

Trump isn't alone in this renaming idiocy, of course.  As noted earlier, Mayor Ras Baraka of Newark, New Jersey had Washington Park in downtown Newark renamed Harriet Tubman Square (which isn't a square, but let that pass), because, even former President Barack Obama may have recently said that people can admire George Washington for his monumental achievements in promoting democracy and republicanism while simultaneously acknowledging his deep moral failure as a slaveholder, Newark mayor Ras Baraka obviously saw things differently and decided that Washington had no redeeming qualities whatsoever.  After all, Washington helped found the same government that oppresses black people to this day.  Mayor Baraka's action does, however differ from Trump's, and primarily in this way - Mayor Baraka had popular support in his city.  He also took the time to consult with people who understand the history of the park before making the name change.  The few white Newark residents left may grouse about it (with good reason), and they will still call it Washington Park, but that's as may be; they're outvoted.  But no one voted for Lake Ontario to be renamed Lake America.

And here's another thing.  Trump replaced with the name America for names of bodies of water names of "foreign places,"  such as the country on our southern border and a province of the country on our northern border.  Ironically, many people in the Western Hemisphere have made their longstanding resentment of United States citizens calling their country America and themselves Americans when "America" refers to the entire hemisphere.  They're telling us to stop calling ourselves Americans when they - North Americans, Central Americans and South Americans - are Americans too, and they want us to find another demonym.

More re-namings will follow.  There's the Pigeon River separating Minnesota from the Canadian province of Ontario; Trump will likely rename that the America River.  The Detroit River between the city of Detroit and Windsor, Ontario may be renamed the Strait of Trump.  The St. Croix Rover between Maine and the Canadian province of new Brunswick may be renamed the Ivanka River.  Anything for Trump to get revenge against Prime Minister Carney for not allowing Trump to annex the Great White North. 

For those who want to know, nhe name Ontario comes from a Native American word meaning "lake of shining waters."  The Canadian province of Ontario is so named, which seems logical, as it sits on four of the five Great Lakes. 

Incidentally, there's a small bay along the southeastern side of Lake Ontario in upstate New York called - I kid you not - Mexico Bay.  Whatever you do, don't tell Trump. 😄