Goodbye To All That

It's January 1, and in the spirit of the day, I'd like to cite some recent trends, ideas, and other miscellaneous claptrap that have dominated the recent past but are now on their way out. And so - as 2007 begins, why don't we briefly touch on old acquaintance that should be forgotten and never brought to mind?

Library cafes. As soon as I heard that cafes in libraries were popular in France, I should have known this fad wasn't going to last. Seems that some libraries in America thought it would be a pretty neat idea to set up a place where folks could get a chocolate chip muffin and an herbal tea as well as a book, the better to lure them in to the library in the first place. How is that turning out? In one library, it isn't. In Montclair, New Jersey, a cafe was set up at the local library with great fanfare and expectation, but then the food service company that operated it closed down because it couldn't make a profit. A second outside food service set up shop there, and it too closed because it couldn't make a profit, and the cafe is now dormant. The obvious solution is to run a library cafe as a public service, like the library itself, but that's not going to happen so long as a tax increase is required. It's a bad idea to have food and drink near a book or magazine you've just checked out anyway, since the checked-out item in question could be ruined if you spill something on it. And heaven knows your kids could do worse to it at home.

Hybrid cars. They get tremendous fuel economy, they emit less carbon monoxide, and they make their owners feel superior for caring about the earth. That's as may be - you still have to commute forty miles one way to work, you're still going to get caught in traffic, and you have to drive all over the place for everything because you live in an exurban area with no public transportation. So tell me, Mr. Prius Owner, if you're so superior, why do you spend Saturday afternoons with the wife and your 2.6 brats at Home Depot?

Jennifer Aniston's film career. Now that she's broken up with Vince Vaughn, fans of Jennifer Aniston will have to stop talking about her personal life and start talking about her movies. Wait until they try to think of one. Other than The Break-Up, of course. Seriously, folks, if Jen is the future of American cinema, how come Queen Latifah beat her to an Oscar nomination?

Starbucks. When you have to start learning Esperanto just to order a lousy cup of coffee, a coffee shop chain ceases being a trend and starts being an annoyance.

Presidential possibilities from Virginia. Mark Warner. George Allen. Who cares?

White people. Refusing to accept the reality of the growth of the black, Hispanic, and Asian populations in America, white folks are now trying to duck the issue by leaving whole regions of the country for culturally sterile communities in the Sun Belt. Which works out fine, since white people are culturally sterile by nature. Don't believe me? How do you explain all that potato salad at Independence Day picnics? Or the popularity of pickup trucks? Attention, my fellow American Caucasians: your time is up. You no longer dominate the culture of this great land of ours, and all the Larry the Cable Guy videos in the world won't change that. Obama in '08! :-D

Happy new year. I don't even want to imagine the trends of the future. :-p