Cinema Parasito

So what was with that bedbug remark in my last post? Well, I'll tell you.

Not too long ago, the Claridge Theater in Montclair, New Jersey was discovered to have been infested with bedbugs. When I went to a buffet party at a friend's house, she hoped that no one at the party had been to the Claridge to see a movie because she didn't want any bedbugs infesting her happy home.

Some folks didn't know about it - which leads to a related story. Recently, the Claridge began screening Madonna's movie W./E., and on my Facebook page, I rhetorically asked if a movie theater with bedbugs were really any worse than a movie theater showing a movie directed by Madonna. Almost as soon as I posted that impudent remark, two friends of mine - friends I know from the area I live in, not just online - thanked me for letting me know there were bedbugs at the Claridge and vowed not to go there any time soon. I couldn't believe what I had just done, and I was proud of it - I helped kill business for Madonna's movie! :-D But, more importantly, I got the message out about the bedbug infestation at the Claridge and saved a couple of friends a whole lot of trouble.

This bedbug scare is driving me up the wall. I used to go to the Claridge with a ladyfriend of mine who lives in Montclair, and we haven't seen a movie together for ages. It's getting impossible now to do anything like that without having to worry about bedbugs. Every time I go into New York, where bedbugs have been spotted even in posh hotels, my mother expects me to strip naked the moment I get home and take a shower. Fortunately, it's not much of a bother to get into the shower once I get inside. But the ritual of throwing all of my clothes into a waiting plastic bag, tying the bag up, and tossing the bag aside before I even get into the shower is becoming an annoyance. Not to mention having to wait several days to wash my clothes in the bag because I have to make sure any bedbugs on them (there are never any) are dead from lack of oxygen.

This country is really beginning to disappoint me. Bedbugs used to be a thing of the past - the very distant past - and now they've retuned with a vengeance. I suspect that a disinvestment in public health over the years - fear of big government, you know - has allowed maladies commonly associated with Third World countries, like this malady, to affect the United States. As for me, I have absolutely no confidence in the bedbug epidemic being brought under control any time soon. Because lately we Americans have demonstrated that we're as good as eliminating public health hazards as we are at establishing public health insurance.

And as for the Claridge, I will not return there until that parasitic infestation is removed. That goes for the bedbugs, too. ;-)

Last Night For First Night?

Here's the good news: The First Night 2011 celebration for New Year's Eve in Montclair, New Jersey is back on. The bad news is, it will be severely truncated - two venues, five acts (including the Big Apple Circus - a touring version, not the full circus itself, it must be emphasized), mostly oriented toward families, and a wrap-up by 9 PM.

Private funding totaling $20,000 has already been raised, with another $10,000 to be raised. A campaign called "Friends of First Night" is underway, hoping to pull off this popular event without a hitch.

Oh, they'll pull it off without a hitch all right. With so few acts, and without much diversity in the few acts they do have, how can they possibly go wrong with the logistics? Wonder if they'll be able to pull off any ticket sales?

With only a circus show, a magician, and something called Wild 'n' Wacky (I know what it's like, now can someone tell me what it is?) in a school building and teenage jazz and rock performers in a Unitarian church nearby, it's better than nothing. But, seriously, how many teenage musicians or magic tricks can people take? Given the four-hour time frame, I doubt anyone will want to stick around that long if they're not going to watch the circus show. I myself haven't ruled out going, and I might go, if only to enjoy for one last time a tradition that's going in the direction of the giant light tree that J. M. Towne department store in nearby Caldwell used to put up. That is, it's going away. (And both the tree of lights and J.M. Towne are long since gone.)

Bet on it. The town of Montclair hopes to avoid using public funding to get First Night 2011 off the ground, but the municipal government has said that if public funds are needed, then they won't even consider the possibility of a First Night 2012. Sure, the economy could recover by this time next year, but local governments like Montclair's could still be strapped for cash, and long-term planning has to take that possibility into account.

Maybe it's time to admit that all of these amusements and entertainments are frills that a country that has lived beyond its means can no longer afford and no longer deserves. We're so busy amusing ourselves with New Year's Eve celebrations full of magicians, musicians, and circuses that we don't see America heading into a scary and destructive future. Given how 2011 is likely to turn out, why celebrate the new year with a party?

New Year's Eve celebrations will survive, as long as booze remains legal, but if you want a non-alcoholic, family-friendly New Year's experience, do what the Mormons do - drink carbonated cider and play board games with your kids.

Swedish Christmas Fair, Upper Montclair, NJ

Here is my article on a Swedish Christmas fair that took place on November 21, 2010, in the Upper Montclair section of Montclair, New Jersey, that I submitted to the local Patch.com site covering Montclair, though it did not get published (the pictures are mine):

The Swedish Christmas Fair held at the Commonwealth Club in Upper Montclair was a festive, joyous affair packed with visitors. The November 21 fair, organized by the Swedish Women’s Education Association (SWEA), featured Christmas arts and crafts from Sweden, including comical Santa Claus heads made up of a large-cone hat with a nose and beard underneath. Patrons could also partake in Swedish delicacies ranging from egg and herring to the traditional winter drink known as glögg. Glögg is a hot spiced wine beverage served in Scandinavian countries and popular during the long Nordic winters. Sausages and Coke were served for the less adventurous. Those who were eager to do more than sample Swedish cuisine had the opportunity to buy all sorts of Swedish candies, lagers, and breads are available to take home. One such bread, vörtbrod, combines wort (the liquid from which the alcohol content of beer is derived) with cloves, cinnamon and raisins. Limpa bread, a rye bread similar to vörtbrod but using orange peel and molasses for flavor, was also for sale.

But the main attraction of the day were the procession of Saint Lucia, in honor of a wealthy Sicilian woman who gave her wealth and her service to the poor. Once in the morning and again in the afternoon, a schoolgirl played St. Lucia with a crown of candles and led a procession of white-robed attendants, each holding a candle of their own, in and around the Commonwealth Club. Each time, the children stopped to light candles in honor of St Lucia’s faith and perform traditional Swedish songs celebrating her piety. Two renditions of "Silent Night" – one in Swedish, the other in English – were well received by the visitors at the fair, and many people happily sang along.

(A procession of children stops to sing Christmas carols for the patrons of the Swedish Christmas Fair in Upper Montclair, New Jersey.)

Schools in Sweden choose a little girl every year to lead a procession for St. Lucia’s Day – normally observed on December 13 – and a national Lucia is chosen from the regional winners. The process is taken very seriously in Sweden, and the selection is considered a great honor. At the Christmas fair in Montclair this year, the morning procession featured Rebecca Koshkinen of Bedminster as St. Lucia, and the afternoon procession featured Georgia Lager of Princeton in the role.

The Swedish Christmas Fair has been a popular attraction in Montclair since the first one was held by the SWEA in 1986. In addition to the food and Christmas souvenirs, Swedish and Swedish-American art is usually displayed, and patrons can take part in games and raffles. Many of the people who attended this year – up to six hundred or seven hundred by one estimate - were happy simply to be part of the ambiance and the family atmosphere.

For more on the Swedish Women’s Education Association, go to www.swea.org.

(A girl carries a young child during the Swedish Christmas Fair's St. Lucia procession.)

About First Night . . .

When it was announced that the Big Apple Circus would be performing at the First Night 2011 celebration this New Year's Eve in Montclair, New Jersey, I thought, "Wow, that's astonishing! Montclair is still having a First Night celebration this year?"

Well, maybe not. The ongoing economic slump and drastic cuts in municipal budgets of even an upscale suburb like Montclair, New Jersey, have cast doubt on its ability to have a First Night celebration of any kind this year. The Big Apple Circus is in fact a big name in these parts, and landing them for First Night is a major coup, but so far that's all the organizers can afford. They can't even pay for police protection, promotional materials, or ticket printing. Marc Dashield, Montclair's township manager, had hoped that the town could stage a pared-down celebration, but with time passing quickly and little planning having been made, hope is dimming. They don't even have a cultural affairs coordinator in Montclair anymore; that position was eliminated in a mass municipal layoff. On top of that, vendors involved in such big events want their money up front, even as it takes the municipality that's organizing the whole darn thing months to get the necessary approvals and the like.

So, eh, how much money have the First Night organizers raised? A paltry $20,000. That's enough to buy a base Hyundai Sonata. It's also enough, apparently, to book a big-name act for a First Night celebration, but not enough to pay for anything else.

Look, I'm no municipal budget expert, but if you have twenty grand to spend, and you're still bringing in donations from folks who don't want to see First Night go down in flames, but it's still not enough to book the Big Apple Circus and pay for everything else, well, how about this for an idea? Ditch the Big Apple Circus! We don't need Grandma the Clown and all that lot! Spend the money you have on putting it together, not attracting big-name entertainers! Get small-time entertainers to donate their time and talents! They're just as good, they're just not as famous! I myself know several performing artists who might be interested. Heck, Montclair has plenty of entertainers among its population. They also have plenty of empty stores to have the performances in! So get the landlords involved!

You know, this reminds me of a story about how Lionel Richie planned to have big names appear on his second solo album, but he ditched the idea when he realized that getting big pop stars to make guest appearances on his record was less important than finding musicians who could best serve his songs. That album ended up winning a Grammy and producing three hit singles. So, maybe having the Big Apple Circus for First Night is less important than actually having a First Night. Because without First Night, folks will be spending New Year's Eve either going out and drinking or staying at home and watching the ball drop in Times Square while munching on bite-size egg rolls from the toaster oven. Because for many people, First Night is the only real public gathering opportunity for New Year's Eve under any circumstances.

Sorry, Grandma.

Live At the Wellmont - NOT!

It must have seemed like a good idea at the time. Restore a movie theater dating back to the 1920s and turn it into a concert venue to boost the local economy. And it was a good idea to do so with the Wellmont Theatre in Montclair, New Jersey, as it became the premier attraction in suburban Essex County. But the restoration of the interior was not quite up to par, and earlier this week a large piece of plaster fell from the ceiling during a concert and landed on two concertgoers. Both were treated and released at a local hospital, and the Wellmont remains indefinitely closed pending a review of the accident and how it can be properly repaired. No one knows how long it will be closed, which casts doubt on its immediate concert schedule.

The Wellmont has hosted many acts since it opened as a concert hall a couple of years ago, many either veteran acts who can no longer fill Madison Square Garden or indie-rock acts who will never fill the Garden. In the age of Gaga, that's a good thing. But the work on the interior has always been called into question, and I've heard anecdotal reports of similar incidents less serious than the one that just occurred. It's yet another sad example of how not only we in America can no longer build things of good quality, we can't even competently restore the high-quality old buildings we have. But then American engineering has long been overrated, considering achievements like the fuzzy pictures of the Hubble telescope (which required a post-launch repair in space to set it right) and the two collapses of the roof of the Silverdome in Pontiac, Michigan from snow.

So what is a concert at the Wellmont like? Don't ask me, I've never been to one. Although the theatre was meant to help the local economy, I haven't been able to go for reasons that boil down to the general economy still needing a boost. But I heard that the shows there are - or, rather, were - good.

From Russia With Love

Who'd have thought? Ten Russian spies were living in the U.S., posing as Americans, and trying to gain access to the government - and two of them were living as a couple in Montclair, New Jersey! Needless to say, I am really jealous of the residents of Montclair, being the center of attention in a tale international intrigue.

The couple who went by the assumed named of Richard and Cynthia Murphy, lived on a quite dead end street in the Upper Montclair section of town, near the county border. For people who know the area, it's almost literally a stone's throw away from Applegate Farms, an ice cream stand and a northern New Jersey institution. It's a secluded area on the fringe of town, so it made a perfect hiding place for two secret agents. Their house, at 31 Marquette Road in Montclair, is depicted here - my picture!

The spy known as Richard Murphy stayed home while his wife (assuming they were really married) worked at a financial services company in New York and rode the commuter bus into the city. She was also seen tending her garden and occasionally with her daughters. She and her alleged husband seemed like a typical suburban couple.

Well, they were, of course, because they didn't interact with many people. It was very easy to hide in American suburbia, where people keep to themselves and don't involve themselves in the community. So the "Murphys" had a perfect cover. What many people don't understand is why the Russians went by an Irish surname to hide their national origin, because Montclair is known for having a diverse, international population. Russian nationals would have fit in just as easily as Americans (or others) with surnames derived from the British Isles. In fact, "Richard Murphy" must have aroused suspicion for looking more Russian than Irish.

That's probably how they got caught. Something went wrong. That's "Murphy's law." :-D

Although this is a serious case that might have put American government secrets and could adversely affect Russo-American relations, it's become a source of humor in in the region - a friend of mine calls the couple Boris and Natasha. Will we be laughing if some Caucasian, blond-haired blue-eyed couple turn out to be converts to radical Islam working for al-Qaeda plotting the next 9/11?

Anyway, the fact that Russian spies were found in Montclair doesn't impress me. My hometown of West Caldwell is already famous for being the home of an extreme right-wing political operative who was sent to Washington to infiltrate the government and use his power to suppress the American people.

How did that happen? Well, you see, George Walker Bush appointed him to the Supreme Court. :-O

Displeasurable Dressing

One of the weirdest stories to come out of New Jersey is the controversy over Dressing for Pleasure, a sex shop in Montclair. The store, which has sold fetish material and bondage wear for people who like to be, uh, creative in their sexual relations, was in violation of municipal code and forced the owners, a husband and wife (family values?) to stop holding S&M parties in their basement, or "dungeon."

Business sagged, and the husband had a life-threatening illness, and now Dressing for Pleasure is closing altogether.

I, for one, am happy to see it go. I'm very sorry that one of the owners has been very ill, but that doesn't change my opinion of the very idea of fetish stores. They are an embarrassment to the communities in which they are located and they are uncomfortable to even go past. Especially this one, with its kinky window displays.

It's not much of a secret that many people have some sort of sexual quirk, some more outrageous than others. Do I have one? That's none of your business. That's my point. Fetishes are private affairs, and bringing them out into the open with stores like these is vulgar and tasteless. We live in a world where everything private is publicized and everything public is privatized. Putting bondage and S&M culture out in the open is about as senseless as putting Blackwater in charge of military combat.

If one must have fetish stores, it is far better to have them on an inconspicuous street, out of sight and out of mind. The couple who ran Dressing for Pleasure in Montclair had their store on Bloomfield Avenue, the town's main street. Even more unsettling is that this lower-middle class, mostly black neighborhood. The couple involved are white. So, while it may be conveniently out of the way of the posher area of Montclair Center (Montclair's name for its downtown), it's all right to have it in a less affluent, nonwhite area?

Oh yeah, there happen to be a few churches within walking distance of Dressing for Pleasure.

I don't think this couple looked down on the locals. I don't think they're bigots. But putting their store in this particular section of town smacked of insensitivity.

The couple plan to continue to sell their wares online, and they say they will continue to fight for the civil rights of "the bondage community."

The idea of S&M participants forming a "community," like a neighborhood block or a professional guild, seems rather ridiculous.

And as for their rights . . . they can do what they want. They should just keep into themselves.

Please note that I never revealed the names of these people, although they're publicly on record. I've preferred to be consistent in referring to fetishes as private affairs.