Spy Tech Crazy

Donald Trump is still saying that he is certain that President Obama wiretapped his phones in Trump Tower in 2016 despite any lack of evidence that he did so, and FBI Director James Comey and Senator John McCain (R-AZ) are telling him to put up or shut up.

So Sean Spicer, the White House propaganda minister, tried to cover up for his boss.

"I think there's no question that the Obama administration, that there were actions about surveillance and other activities that occurred in the 2016 election," Spicer said. "The President used the word wiretaps in quotes to mean, broadly, surveillance and other activities."

Except that "wiretapping" is not a word that describes broad surveillance techniques any more than "car" is a word broadly describing SUVs, campers, panel vans, and other vehicles.  As CNN's Jeremy Diamond reported, the word "wiretapping" is narrowly defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary the act of tapping "a telephone or telegram wire in order to get information."

Meanwhile, Wikileaks just unloaded information noting the presence of sensors, computers, and cameras in our smartphones and digital TV sets to spy on us.

Boy I'm glad I have an old-school flip phone.  And I think I'll be watching a lot more TV on my old analog set, and tape anything I would otherwise watch on On Demand.  (Yes, I use tape - still!)

But Kellyanne Conway, the White House's resident crazy chick,  made a suggestion of how the government could be watching us through the least likely of appliances, even as she trivialized the concern over Deep State security and surveillance: 

"There are many ways to surveil each other now, unfortunately," she said. "There was an article this week that talked about how you can surveil someone through their phones, certainly through their television sets, any number of different ways. And microwaves that turn into cameras, et cetera. So we know that that is just a fact of modern life."

Microwaves, Gracie?

The feds must get sick and tired of seeing me cook a sweet potato every night.

Right, now you know why I prefer to talk about the weather on this blog . . ..   

Oh yeah, we got through the storm all right.

BREAKING NEWS: Bowling Green Massacre News Disrupts Douglass Appearance at White House

DATELINE: WASHINGTON

Donald Trump, the President of the United States, was hosting a Black History Month event in the White House this past week to honor a special guest when tragedy struck.

Trump, accompanied by special White House communications director Omarosa Manigualt, White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus, and other aides with spell-checker-unfriendly names, was lauding his guest, black social reformer and writer Frederick Douglass, for his ongoing achievements.  "He's done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice." Trump said. 

Douglass, who still looked imposing despite having been dead since 1895, rose to thank Trump for his comments.  "I am humbled, sir," he said, "to be a guest in this hallowed house for the first time in over a hundred years, and I am glad you have finally taken note of my writings and my service as ambassador to Haiti."

Trump, unaware that Douglass was no longer the U.S. ambassador to Haiti on account of a federal rule prohibiting dead people from continuing to serve in the diplomatic corps, was beginning to ask Douglass about the current state of affairs in Port-au-Prince when White House aide Kellyanne Conway frantically ran in to tell Trump of a terrorist massacre in Bowling Green, Kentucky.

Fountain Square Park, Bowling Green, Kentucky, moments before the terrorist attack.

Conway gave the grim report.  The attack, said to have been carried out six years earlier, did not happen.  It involved no Arab terror commandos, nor did it involve any deadly weapons. As many as 63,616 people - the entire population of Bowling Green - were not killed or wounded.  No one else was injured.

Fountain Square Park, Bowling Green, Kentucky, moments after the terrorist attack.

Douglass, upon hearing the news, looked unnerved.  "Mr. President," the long-deceased historical figure said, "If there is no struggle, there is no progress.  It thus follows that if there is no attack, there is no crisis.  I am very saddened to hear about this terrorist incident that didn't happen, and I am as shocked by it as you are.  I pledge my full support to you in your commitment to do nothing and to take no action in responding to this dastardly non-deed."

Trump nodded.  "Thanks, Fred," he said.

Douglass made himself available to go to Kentucky and comfort the residents whose lives were not torn apart by terrorism and went on without incident.  He hoped to speak to the workers at the local General Motors assembly plant that is famous for producing the Chevrolet Corvette and the Cadillac XLR, workers at the headquarters of the Fruit of the Loom undergarment company, and the Fruit of the Loom guys. 

Trump graciously accepted.

Douglass then conferred with Trump in the Oval Office (below).  Moments after Douglass left for Kentucky, British Prime Minister Theresa May called Trump and offered to send MI-6's top secret agent, James Bond, to Kentucky to help American intelligence not investigate what didn't happen in Bowling Green, and Trump expressed his gratitude, quoting Ronald Reagan's admiration for Bond.  "James Bond is a man of honor," President Reagan said in 1983, "a symbol of real value to the free world. Of course some critics might say that Bond is nothing more than an actor in the movies. But then we've all got to start somewhere."

UPDATE:  Douglass is still in Kentucky, touring Bowling Green in a Cadillac XLR, fresh off the assembly line - astonishing, given the fact that production of the XLR ceased in 2009 - being driven by Elvis.

(Disclaimer:  The opening quote from Trump and the Reagan quote are both true.)