Goodbye Dolly

Calling Dolly Parton, who died yesterday at 80, a country singer and leaving it at that is like calling a Bugatti Chiron a car.  Parton was much more than that.  She was a songwriter, an actress, a producer, a businesswoman, and, as I learned going through the alcoholic-beverage section of my local supermarket, a vintner.  She was also a philanthropist and a literacy activist, and her eastern Tennessee amusement park Dollywood became, thanks to her shrewd business acumen, the Disneyland of the South.  IN writing about her music, Chet Flippo explained, "Dolly Parton is the South to many people; her lyrics are the embodiment of the proper Southern virtues of fundamentalist religion, respect for the family, worship of one's parents, praise for the right husband/lover and weepy heartfelt laments over the wrongs suffered at the hands of a callous/drinking/running-around husband.  Many country songwriters take all that and make it corny; Dolly makes it real and believable."

That believability came from her personal experiences growing up poor in eastern Tennessee, showing  empathy for others, and an apparent (and inexplicable) inferiority complex that led to her signature song, "Jolene."  "Jolene" was a dark plea to a flirtatious woman not to take her man away from her,  inspired by an auburn-haired bank employee who flirted with Parton's husband Carl Dean, who was a regular customer and account holder at the bank and who lived a quiet, simple life and avoided the spotlight, suggesting that, for those who have seen the movie Notting Hill,  he played William Thacker to Parton's Anna Scott.  Her soprano voice suggested an ability to try any form of pop, and in many respects she did.  Who else can you think of from Nashville would cover songs ranging from Billy Joel's "Travellin' Prayer," a song many thought was insensitive Northeastern cultural appropriation of Appalachian folk music (Joe Queenan called it "Great Neck bluegrass") to Collective Soul's intense rock tune "Shine"?  Who thought she was capable of writing and singing the up-tempo pop song "9 to 5," the title song for her first movie?  She even made a disco record (though the less said about that, the better) and made what turned out to be her final album, her forty-ninth (did I happen to mention that she was industrious?), as a full-on rock album of covers and originals.

It's her devotion to charity and philanthropy that will live on more than anything other than her music.  She supported numerous liberal causes such as gay rights and universal health care and, during the pandemic, she was a more effective spokesperson for COVID shots than any Democratic politician in Washington.  (She helped fund them.)  Even if you don't like country music, even if you think she merely played an extension of herself as a movie actress (though you must check out her performance in Steel Magnolias),  and even if you have a problem with Dollywood because you think that the last things America needs are more amusement parks, admit it, dude, you loved the woman, didn't you?  Everyone loved Dolly Parton, just as everyone loves Cher.  And while Dolly was still glowing, still crowing, and still going strong, she left a legacy that is with is now and will be here for a long time, at least as long as Sirius XM (probably the last place you can real real country and western music these days) still plays her records.  And so Dolly will never go away again.  RIP. 

Hit Me With Your Worst Shot

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees for 2022 have been announced, and they will be formally inducted in Los Angeles (wait isn't the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland? Ahh, well, so were the Rams) on November 5. Rather than wait until then to offer my comments on the nominees, I'm going to do it now.  And not because November 5 is my birthday - my last Saturday birthday until 2033 - and I plan to be out celebrating that night (yeah, right!), but for another reason I will reveal at the end of this post.

First, let me tell you who didn't get inducted - Kate Bush, Beck, the MC5, Rage Against the Machine, or the New York Dolls. Which actually makes sense - because when you hold the induction ceremony in LA, those are the last acts guaranteed to sell tickets to it.  As further proof that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is more about celebrity than about artistry (well, it is a hall of "fame"), let's look at who was inducted for 2022, possibly the lamest induction class in over a decade:

Dolly Parton.  She's not rock and roll.  Even she says she's not rock and roll.  She asked the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to withdraw her nomination. But they didn't listen!

Pat Benatar.  A boring singer who mostly sang about broken hearts with just-add-water AOR arrangements. Guys who were horny teenage boys in the eighties who were turned on by dames in spandex outfits are the only ones who will applaud this.

Eminem.  Black or white, all rappers should be ineligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because they are, aesthetically, as much rock and roll as Dolly Parton.

Eurythmics.  Annie Lennox deserves too be inducted as a solo artist for her impeccable work. Dave Stewart deserves to be inducted as producer for his work with Ringo Starr, Bryan Ferry and Tom Petty, among others.  But they shouldn't be inducted as the Eurythmics. "Would I Lie To You?" is the only worthy record they ever made together.  As a duo, they're the anti-Loggins and Messina - they function better separately than together. 

Lionel Richie.  Look, I'll admit that Lionel Richie can rock out in subtle ways.  "Easy (Like Sunday Morning)," his 1977 hit with the Commodores, is a power ballad that would fit in snugly on AOR radio.  His solo hit "All Night Long" from 1983 is an infectious pop-rock tune you could imagine Phil Collins covering.  But he's put out so many soppy ballads that there's a reason why I call him the Motown Manilow. 

Carly Simon.  I'm on the fence about this one.  I like her hit singles, expect for "You're So Vain," which I love.  But does she rock out enough?  Probably more than her ex-husband James Taylor, but it's a tough call.  I'm inclined to say yes to this one.

Duran Duran.  I . . . think the world just ended.

Some of the award recipients in the subcategories are another mess.  Because Judas Priest couldn't get in as full-fledged inductees, they were given a Musical Excellence Award for 2022 along with R&B songwriters and producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis.  Is Dave Marsh still on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's board?  Because I would love to know how the man who once said Judas Priest was "for lovers of recycled Led Zeppelin riffs only" explains this.

Calypso singer Harry Belafonte and the late folk-blues guitarist and singer Elizabeth Cotten both get the 2022 Early Influence Award, which makes sense, and giving producer Jimmy Iovine an Ahmet Ertegun Award makes sense as well, but giving the Ahmet Ertegun Award to singer turned hip-hop mogul Sylvia Robinson does not.  (She wasn't even a great singer.)  And that same award is also going to . . .  Allen Grubman?  A lawyer?  Because his clients include pop stars such as Bruce Springsteen, Madonna and Mariah Carey? What did he represent them in, their divorce cases? Actually, he's getting it because he is, as Newsweek once called him, "perhaps the music industry's wealthiest and most powerful attorney."  Oh.

So why am I going through all of this now instead of waiting until November?  I've long since been resigned to the fact that my criticisms of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame don't matter, and I know that the Hall is considered sacrosanct enough by so many people that for Dolly Parton to refuse her induction despite her own wishes would be like a cardinal refusing the papacy after being chosen for it.  But the direction of the Hall has been hijacked by proponents of a broader definition of rock and roll who want to include popular music that doesn't have the slightest resemblance to rock and who want to "own the rockists" - that is, drive crazy those of us WTFing all over social media when someone like a pop diva or a rapper gets inducted at the expense of classic-rock stalwarts who won't even get nominated. Since most rockists tend to be white guys who grew up listening to AOR in the seventies and eighties who prefer a Leslie West guitar riff to a Kanye West autotuning, owning the rockists has become a popular indoor sport.

Therefore . . . I'm through commenting on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  Don't expect me to bring it up in 2023, 2024 or beyond.  Even if Jethro Tull do get inducted (yeah, right!).  It's too late for that.  I've had enough.  The Hall's board members' refusal to abide by Dolly Parton's wishes and remove her from contention shows what a bunch of pricks they really are.  Jimmy Guterman and Owen O'Donnell said it for all time: "The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is an oxymoron. If you want your work to be recognized in a museum, learn to paint."

So . . . I think I'll be . . . I'm quitting . . .  Rock and Roll Hall of Fame commentary now.  

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was originally established to honor rock and roll performers but has since gone on to include performers representing a variety of pop styles.  See you 'round the clubs. 😛

There They Go Again

Dolly Parton is stone country.  To many people too young to remember Patsy Cline, Dolly Parton is country music.  So it was just as amusing to her as it was to everyone else when the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominated her for the 2022 class of inductees.  As with their rap nominees and inductees, the Parton nomination sent a twofold message to classic-rock fans: We're more aware of the diversity and diverse influences of rock and roll than you are, and the reason we haven't nominated your favorite acts is because we hate their guts.

Parton appreciated the nomination but said that she wanted to decline it on the grounds that she never made a straight rock and roll album, though she has covered rock songs such as Led Zeppelin's "Stairway To Heaven" and Collective Soul's "Shine" (though, the less said about her disco record "Baby I'm Burnin'," the better).  She didn't want her nomination to split the votes in favor of nominees who are straight rock and rollers.

"Even though I’m extremely flattered and grateful to be nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame," she said, "I don't feel that I have earned that right.  I really do not want votes to be split because of me, so I must respectfully bow out."

So, you'd think the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame would respect her wishes and withdraw her name, right? Think again, sucka!  The Hall's board said that they considered Parton rock and roll because her music has inspired so many rockers as well as artists from other genres (well, I do hear an influence of "9 to 5" in the Pointer Sisters' 1984 hit "Neutron Dance").  As the board members explained in this press release to Cleveland's WKYC-TV:

All of us in the music community have seen Dolly Parton’s thoughtful note expressing her feeling that she has not earned the right to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. In addition to her incredible talent as an artist, her humility is another reason Dolly is a beloved icon by millions of fans around the world.

From its inception, rock and roll has had deep roots in rhythm and blues and country music. It is not defined by any one genre, rather a sound that moves youth culture. Dolly Parton’s music impacted a generation of young fans and influenced countless artists that followed. Her nomination to be considered for induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame followed the same process as all other artists who have been considered.

Dolly’s nomination, along with the other 16 artists for the class of 2022, was sent out earlier this month to our 1,200 general ballot voters, the majority of whom are artists themselves, for consideration for induction at our ceremony.

We are in awe of Dolly’s brilliant talent and pioneering spirit and are proud to have nominated her for induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

In other words. they'll do anything to avoid inducting Jethro Tull. 

Oh, by the way, Dolly Parton's music did not "impact" people, it "influenced" them.  By saying it impacted them, the Hall has suggested that her records fall on people like boulders.  I, for one, have never been knocked unconscious by a copy of the Jolene album. 

The board also explained its nominating process: "Nominee ballots are sent to an international voting body of more than 1,000 artists, historians, and members of the music industry.  Factors such as an artist's musical influence on other artists, length and depth of career and the body of work, innovation and superiority in style and technique are taken into consideration."

So I guess the the first factor would eliminate Joe Cocker (more influenced than influencing, and he appropriated Ray Charles), the second factor would eliminate Little Feat (they simply never sold that many records), but then there's the third factor, superiority in style and technique - if that's so important, how come Richard Thompson isn't an inductee and Kiss are?  

All of this goes to show that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame remains under control of arrogant pricks.  They decide what constitutes worthy rock and roll, and the fans' opinions are irrelevant.  Sure, we can vote for inductions, but the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame board still chooses the candidates and no write-ins are allowed (so forget about voting for Family).  They know better than you do.  They know what real rock an roll is.  That's why they inducted Madonna, who can't sing, can't write songs, and can't arrange them with any competence, and why Suzi Quatro is still waiting for a phone call from Cleveland to learn of her nomination.  This sort of elitism begets angry, dangerous populism among the masses.  After all, Hillary Clinton exuded the same sort of elitism in her 2016 presidential campaign, and we all know how that turned out!

Anyway, Dolly Parton is a really classy lady for asking to take herself out of the running, and she knows rock and roll better than the board does (just as, in 9 to 5, her character Dora Lee signed her boss's name better than he did).  But with her name still on the ballot, the best way to honor her wishes is to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's site and cast a ballot for someone else.  Right now, she's fourth in the fan vote behind Duran Duran (pretty-boy synth-popsters who wrote songs by stringing random words together), Eminem (black or white, all rappers do nothing but make noise by speaking into a microphone with dial-tone-like noises in the background)  and Pat Benatar (who never would have become a star if she hadn't worn spandex outfits to attract horny suburban white teenage boys). The five artists with the most votes will produce a "fan ballot" that will be counted with the ballots of the "experts" (the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's Electoral College) to determine the inductees.

So go vote for anyone but Dolly . . . and the three "artists" ahead of her.

You know there is one way Dolly could get her name off the ballot.  She could rush-release a cover of Jethro Tull's "Look Into the Sun." 😉