With the United States endlessly involved in wars in other parts of the world and the planet warming and having worse weather as a result of climate change - it was 67 degrees Fahrenheit in northern New Jersey this past weekend, and in January! - I have the perfect solution to both problems.
First, bring back the draft. Make every male citizen between 18 and 49 eligible. Make it impossible for anyone who is drafted to avoid it. That would certainly get America out of these endless wars, because the draft would mean the government would be less likely to get us into any.
However, if there are certain fellows - mainly Republican chicken hawks - who don't want to serve in the military and don't want to fight, well, they'd have a choice. Either they go into military service - the branch of service to be determined by their draft boards - or they agree to spend two years going around the country planting trees to absorb carbon dioxide and lessen the impact of climate change. It would be a new spin on the old Civilian Conservation Corps of the Depression era. If they think climate change is a hoax - tough. It's either trenches or trees, howitzers or hoes, what's it gonna be?
That'll solve our two biggest problems with frightening speed.
I'm over 49, so this proposal lets me out. But I do have a back lot behind my house where I am always planting saplings. So - THERE!
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