Remember when the United States signed the Paris Agreement to combat climate change? Well, now you can forget it. You can really forget it.
Trump made good on his promise from June 2017 to withdraw the United States from the accord by starting the process of quitting the second he was allowed to do so, this past Monday. America now stands alone as the one country that officially does not care about the future of the planet. Once again, I call for the United States to be swiftly and severely punished for its great ecological sins.
And don't start talking about the "WASICs" - the We Are Still In Coalition members of American businesses and governors who plan to implement the Paris Agreement as if we were still in it. Trump and his stooge Mike Pompeo are likely working overtime on how to stop companies like Ford or governors such as Phil Murphy of New Jersey, Andrew Cuomo of New York, or Gavin Newsom of California - or even Florida's Republican governor Ron DeSantis, who recently came to the realization that taking climate change seriously in Trump's newly adopted home state is good for Florida and good for business - from following the rest of the world. Corporate rights and states' rights don't apply when they contradict Republican administrations.
And don't start saying that we're only 4 percent of the population and the rest of the world can save the planet without us. The truth is, we're the second-largest carbon emitter after China, and we have - no, had! - the most influence in getting the rest of the world to act in response to a crisis. The Paris Agreement will go the way of the Kyoto Protocol of twenty years ago - in the dustbin of history, along with several international accords that flopped because American interests were against them.
But remember whom not to vote for when a hurricane hits the Northeast next Columbus Day, as one almanac has predicted. Oh, that's right - the northeastern states already vote Democratic (except Pennsylvania, which hasn't been hit by a hurricane in over 45 years!), and Sandy Mark Two will be seen by Pat Robertson as divine retribution for people who cross Dr. Sinister in the White House.
Did I happen to mention that the greater New York area could get a big snowstorm next week - in the middle of fall? More proof that the climate is being disrupted. But hey, who cares as long as there's a booming stock market?
Oh, well, maybe another hurricane will whack the Carolinas in time for the election. But the Southeast will probably still vote Republican, especially if the Democratic nominee is Mayor Pete.
And this is why I support a global economic and cultural boycott against the United States to make us change our evil ways, baby. Economic and cultural boycotts always work. Look what they did to apartheid in South Africa.
Short of that, though . . . war's over, man. The Paris Agreement is dead. So is the planet. And where the planet is going, America will get there . . . first!
How ironic.
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