Saturday, April 8, 2017

Pop-Mart

"The thousand injuries of Fortunato I bore as best I could; but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge." - Edgar Allan Poe, "The Cask of Amontillado" 
Martin O'Malley has had to endure more injury and insult than any presidential candidate in recent history.  When he announced his candidacy, the press took it less seriously than Donald Trump's.  Commentators trained themselves to laugh at the mention of O'Malley's name.  As noted on this blog, he was the only 2016 presidential candidate that every other candidate in both parties joined Trump in ridiculing.  I think even Lawrence Lessig made fun of him.      
So . . . after all the ridicule, after all the put-downs, after all the snark . . . what does a guy like Marty have do to get a little respect?  How about vengeance?
Yes! O'Malley should remember every member of the Democratic establishment who ever pulled strokes against him (i.e., most of them) and every person in the media who did the same (i.e., all of them) and get even with the whole lot of them.  He ought to get back at every snarker, doubter, and detractor and get back hard.  And here's how he ought to do it:
  • Win the Democratic presidential nomination in 2020 (if the party still exists by then). 

  • Win the 2020 presidential election.
Revenge will be his.
But that's not all I have to say here.  I would also like to take this opportunity to propose an official food for the 2020 O'Malley presidential campaign . . .
. . . the Pop-Tart.
Yes, the humble Pop-Tart, that overprocessed but delicious toaster pastry from Kellogg's - in multiple flavors - that tastes best out of the box rather than heated up.  Do I propose this idea because it would be a good way for O'Malley to connect with the white working class?  Because it would generate political contributions from the Kellogg Company - and give Marty a leg up in the company's home state of Michigan?  Because Marty can't afford anything better to feed his campaign staffers?  No, not for any of these reasons.  I think that the Pop-Tart should be the official food of the Martin O'Malley campaign for this reason . . .
Pop-Tarts are a lot like revenge.  They're sweet, and they're best when served cold. ;-)         

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