Saturday, February 11, 2017

Explaining the Trump Administration

"Hey Rube!"
"Hey, Elvin, it's been awhile.  I was out of the country, I was in France teaching the locals how to grow genetically modified tomatoes."
"The French don't eat genetically modified tomatoes, Rube." 
"Oh, they don't want them to eat.  They want to grow these really big tomatoes to throw at politicians.  Speaking of which, I ain't kept with politics back here  in the States.  So how's President O'Malley doin'?"
"I got bad news for you, Rube.  Our candidate never even got the Democrat nomination.  Hillary done got it and lost in the electoral college despite winning the popular vote."
"Serves her right, nasty woman, the way she made fun of Marty at the debate.  So a Republican's President, eh?  That don't bother me none, so long as it ain't Donald Trump."
"Rube, I got bad news for ya . . .."
"Trump is President, Elvin?"
"Didn't ya read them French papers?"
"I don't understand French."
"Anyway, Rube, Trump done all sorts of foolish things, but the biggest damn fool thing he done is ban people from seven countries where everyone's a Moslem from comin' here."
"He can't do that!"
"That's what the courts said.  So he appealed."
"It gets worse here, Rube.  He done nominated that old bigot Jeff Davis Sessions as attorney gen'ral, even though he don't know nothin' bout no civil rights."
"Triple negative there, Elvin."
"Well, so is Sessions.  Also Betsy DeVos, dumb as cow pie, big Republican donor got to be Secretary of Education."
"And the Democratic Senate approved all these 'pointments?"
"How do I break this to you, Rube?  Dem Dems was supposed to get back the Senate but they done lost it again, 52 Republicans to 48 Dems.  They gonna vote for confirmin' Sessions, see, but Liz Warren wasn't allowed to speak on it because of some letter from Coretta Scott King she read, about Sessions being a threat to civil rights when he was appointed to be a judge but didn't get the seat.  Disrespectful to Senate colleagues, they told her."
"But she persisted to get the letter out in the open.  And, Rube, Dems got a chance to stop DeVos when two lady GOP senators came out against her.  They needed one more Republican to stop her, just one more."
"Well I'm glad they stopped her."
"They didn't, they tied on her, Vice President Pence cast the tie-breaking vote--"
"Mike Pence, that fool from Indiana?"
"The same, Rube, now we got an idiot running the Education Department.  And Sessions is in the Justice Department on a party-line vote!  And we may get a new Supreme Court justice to replace Antonin Scalia, he died last year."
"Last year?  Why din't Obama fill that seat then, Elvin?"
"You don't wanna know the story about that, Rube.  Anyone, Trump's choice, Neil Gorsuch, is a purty rightie kind of guy, but when the court ruled aginast Trump's travel ban, Trump blasted the judge that done handed down the rulin,' and even Gorsuch didn't like that.  Seems this guy may have a conscience at least.  Folks in the White House sure as hell don't.  One White House aide done endorsed Trump's daughter's clothing line, violatin' gubmint rules.  Even the GOP chairman of the House Oversight Committee was appalled.  N Trump's press secretary, he lies like a dog, makes up terror attacks in America to justify this here travel ban . . . Rube, I tell you, it's a mess."
"I knowed itted be, Elvin. Worse than I ever thought."
"Just a minute, Rube, my cell phone done pinged . . ..  Well!  That's good news.  Trump lost his appeal on the travel ban!  The system works!  By the way, you got one of those genetically modified tomaters on ya, I'm hungry."
"Here, Elvin, but you shouldn't eat  genetically modified vegetables."
"First of all, tomaters are fruit, Rube.  Secondly, genetically modified fruits and veggies are done good fer ya, I read it in a book."
"What was the book called, Elvin?"
"'Alternative Facts.'"

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