The Olympics: My Greatest Hits, Part Three

With the 2016 Rio Olympics behind me, I look back at some of my more interesting comments about the previous summer Olympiad in London, as well as about the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics:

"I just finished watching the men's canoe double live, in which two British pairs won the gold and silver medals. After one of the canoers apparently fell into the water at the bottom of the artificial rapids, the other canoers and their coaches all jumped in. It looked like a cross between an evangelical baptism and a Monty Python sketch."  ("We have the Foreign Secretary, who has just returned from the bitter fighting in the Gulf of Oman. He's going to tell us about . . . canoeing!") - London, 2012

"If you've seen the rowing races at the London Olympics, you probably have wondered who those guys riding on bicycles along the water's edge are. They're the coaches of the rowers, calling out to them on what to do and how to do it as they follow them . . .. So . . . why don't the coaches get cycling medals? Come on! They deserve medals! Some of those coaches have actually crashed while looking after their rowers. One coach from Canada actually ended up in the bushes - twice . . .. If there's a cyclist in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed, then . . . it's just the head coach for the Dutch team." :-D - London, 2012

"[Katie] Ledecky not only unexpectedly defeated [British swimmer Rebecca] Adlington for the gold [in the women's 800-meter freestyle swim race], she broke [Janet] Evans's U.S. record as well .  . .. Prince William and the Dutchess of Cambridge were there, having thought they'd see Adlington win another gold for Britain. At the end of the race, Adlington swam over to [Ledecky] and said to her, 'Amazing!', which I believe is British English for 'What the f--- just happened?'" - London, 2012

"While American women's teams are going for the gold at the London Olympics, the [U.S.] men's teams lucky to make it there are sucking, except for the basketball team . . .. Come on, you Y-chromosomed wusses. Get your damn acts together. It's not that you were beaten by girls. You were beaten by Croatians. I want a men's team to root for in a gold medal game, and you have me on the verge of rooting for Bulgaria in volleyball." - London, 2012 

"I saw Paul McCartney and some people around him in the stands at the London Olympic stadium singing a chorus of 'All You Need Is Love,' the original recording of which begins with a sampling of 'La Marseillaise,' the French national anthem. I got to thinking . . . did a Frenchman win a gold medal in something at the time, and did someone get confused when the medal ceremony was held and the music started playing?" - London, 2012

"Shaun White had to drop out of the [slopestyle snowboarding] event owing a wrist injury. But's that not what caught my attention. What's up with White's new short haircut? Is the king of winter sport attitude going James Hetfield on us?" :-D - Sochi, 2014 

"The New York area has another big winter storm bearing down on it for Thursday. It's so warm in Sochi, it's too bad they couldn't have Olympic skiing here [in the New York area] this year. In fact, I know the perfect slopes for skiing in my area - all the shoveled, piled-up snow along alongside my driveway!" - Sochi, 2014

"Why is BMW designing American bobsleds? We have the athletic talent for this sport, but we don't have the engineering prowess to build our own sled? We have to go to Munich for that?" - Sochi, 2014

"The Russian men's hockey team lost on home ice to Finland, 3-1, in the Winter Olympics tournament. Somehow, all of the medals Russia has won at Sochi are irrelevant. I guess this is Finland's revenge for the Winter War? Because this loss certainly has the explosive power of a Molotov cocktail." - Sochi, 2014

"A tip of the hat to all the figure skaters who made daring choices in their music selections. Prince? Pink Floyd's 'Shine On You Crazy Diamond?' An orchestrated version of 'Bohemian Rhapsody?' Mama mia, mama mia! Okay, in a hip-hop world, these choices might seem conservative, but not in the very conservative world of figure skating. And choosing Floyd or Queen music from 1975 would have definitely denied Dorothy Hamill a gold medal in 1976." - Sochi, 2014

What?  Nothing funny about synchronized swimming?  Well, I did have a post about it from August 2012, but I couldn't quote from it without taking it out of context.  So feel free - please - to go to it here.

Oh yeah, and this: In my original post about Katie Ledecky defeating Rebecca Adlington for the gold medal in the women's 800-meter freestyle swim race, I concluded by saying, "Look for Katie Ledecky in 2016."  Called it! :-D

Time to put out the flame for now . . .