Past Remasters

The standard rap about how American history is taught in American schools is that the school systems want to imbue patriotism in children, which means the kids are taught all the best and proudest moments in American history with the embarrassing and nasty moments glossed over.  Interesting, because that's pretty much how I learned American history when I was a kid, in the seventies.  I also learned American history during the run-up to the Bicentennial, when anything related to colonial times was in, including Windsor chairs and imitation pewter plates.  (Then-current events like Vietnam, of course, were never mentioned in class.) 

How grade-school American history was taught in the 1970s went sort of like this:

Columbus discovers America. Englishmen found Virginia and Plymouth. William Penn declares religious freedom when he founds Philadelphia. Benjamin Franklin moves there and plays with kites. Thirteen colonies. Unfair taxes are passed - "taxation without representation!" Revolution.  Independence is declared. The Constitution is written.  George Washington becomes immortal. So does Thomas Jefferson. People invent things. Fort McHenry - our flag still stands! The Erie Canal is built. People invent things. No Presidents between Jackson and Lincoln are mentioned. More people invent things.  Pioneers go west. Cowboys and Indians fight each other a lot. Daniel Webster figures in here somewhere. Gold is discovered in California.  More people invent things.  Slavery is discovered by northerners who were previously busy inventing things. Civil war - slavery is abolished. Abraham Lincoln - who one day will be immortalized by Walt Disney with an animatronic robot - becomes a god. More people invent things. Thomas Edison becomes a god. Immigration. Factories. Henry Ford invents the car. World War I. We save France. Jazz, followed by the Depression, then the country is saved by Franklin Roosevelt. Pearl Harbor. World War II - we save France again. FDR becomes immortal. Us versus the Commies. More things are invented. John F. Kennedy is President, saves the world from nuclear war, is shot, becomes immortal. Blacks get their civil rights. Man on the moon.  The 1970s - finally! Hey, everybody, it's the Bicentennial! Let's go to Disney World to see the Lincoln robot!

Did I happen to mention all of the inventions?