Tuesday, September 1, 2015

The Martin O'Malley Joke File

I have commented before on 2016 Democratic  presidential candidate Martin O'Malley being dismissed as a joke by the media, the Democratic party, and just about everyone else.  Well, I have decided that the best way to help stop the jokes about Martin O'Malley is to tell as many jokes about him as possible myself.  That way, I'll pre-empt any opponents of my man Marty from doing it. Remember that scene in the movie Roxanne, where Steve Martin, playing a Cyrano de Bergerac-type character, tells jokes about his own long nose to make a guy taunting him shut his damn trap?  That's pretty much what I'm doing here.  So here we go: 
  • What do you call an O'Malley supporter?  Mrs. O'Malley.
  • "Good morning, welcome to the City Convention Center, can I help you?"  "Yes,I'm here for the O'Malley For President rally." "Ah, yes, first broom closet on the left."  
  • "What's the maximum number of persons allowed for this room?"  "Why do you want to know?" "It's for the Martin O'Malley campaign speech."  "Yes, so why do you want to know?"
  • What do you call an enthusiastic voter at a Martin O'Malley rally? A Bernie Sanders supporter who somehow wandered in.
  • "Hello, I'm a reporter, I'm here to talk to Martin O'Malley supporters."  "Ah, yes, let me introduce you to both of them now."
  • "We need to get everyone voting for Martin O'Malley in Iowa to make it to the caucus.  How much to rent one Smart Fortwo?"
  • "We have a problem with Martin O'Malley and his campaign manager."  "What, he didn't recognize his own campaign manager?"  "No, the campaign manager didn't recognize the candidate."         
  • "Why do you like Martin O'Malley?"  "Because he'll fight against the one percent."  "How can he, when that's exactly how many people support his presidential campaign?" 
  • "Our campaign just lost the entire Nashua staff of the New Hampshire operations, "Mr. O'Malley."  "What happened?"  He quit yesterday."   
  • "Excuse me, sir, I can't find the candidate, I've looked everywhere."   "Uh, I'm the candidate."  
And, as a bonus to top it all off, I'd like to offer this very nasty joke from Jimmy Fallon from this past spring in the wake of the Baltimore riot:
  • "One of the potential challengers to Hillary Clinton is former Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley, whose big claim to fame was reducing the spread of crime back when he was the mayor of Baltimore.  Or, as Americans are saying today, 'Mmm, what else you got?'"
All right, then, now that we've gotten all that out of the way, I'd like to say this to anyone who still wants to belittle the one Democrat who has a realistic chance to win the Presidency in 2016:  Shut up.  Just . . . shut . . . up.
Though, rest assured, Marty loves a good laugh.  (Don't say it . . . don't even think it!)

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