Trump Raises McCain

"Hey, Elvin!  Whatcha readin'?"

"Hey, Rube, just catchin' up with Donald Trump's presidential campaign.  Seems he be onto somethin,' attacking Washington for not deliverin' a better job market and lettin' rich folk like himself get richer at the middle class's expense.  Wow, he really says what he means!"

"Yeah, Elvin, that's just the trouble."

"Come a-ginn?"

"Well, Elvin, I guess ya heard him talkin' about illegal Mexican immigrants."

"Yeah, I hear.  Seems he be goin' on about how a lot of 'em are bringin' crime and drugs, tho' he say some of them are prob'bly good people."

"And you buy that?"

"Well, Rube, I'm sure a lot of illegal immigrants bring them drugs and that there crim'nal activity into this country, no matter where they come from.  They think he's bein' racist?  He just tellin' it like it is."

"No, he ain't, Elvin.  The stats show that Mexican immigrants don't commit a lot of crimes.  Most of them come to work."

"So why you think he be doin' so well, Rube?"  

"Well, way I see it, illegal immigrants provide cheap labor and wages git driven down for everyone.  But that ain't the immigrants' fault, y'see.  It's the white businessmen like Trump himself that entice these poor folks into comin' here and pay them so darn little."

"Trump uses illegal immigrants to put up his ugly buildings, Rube?"

"Well, I think he said he don't have time to check 'em all."

"But this all got him up to the top of them polls!"

"But he lied, Elvin.  He misrepresented the facts or just made things up.  What's more, Univision won't air his beauty pageants 'cause of what he said about Latinos, NBC canceled his TV deal with dem, and Macy's won't sell his menswear collection anymore - which, by the way, is made in . . . Mexico!"

"Ah, shucks! Well, I weren't gon' vote for him anyway.  But he got ten billion dollars, he can fund his own campaign, and he touched a nerve among the Republican base.  As long as he don't say nothin' nasty about another Republican, he can't lose!"

"Well . . . "

"What did Trump say, Rube?"

"He badmouthed John McCain for being captured in in Viet Nam.  He said, 'He's not a war hero. He's a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren't captured.'"

"What???"

"It's true, Elvin.  And Republicans not named Lindsey Graham who wouldn't call Trump on his remarks about immigrants are suddenly goin' apehair over what he said about McCain.  He's even got John Kerry, our Democratic Secretary of State, mad at 'im!"

"Hoo boy, hoo boy.  If he hadn't said that, he could've ridden his anti-immigrant rhetoric all the way to the White House!"

"I don't think so, Elvin.  "'Cause he ain't got no right to bash people from somewhere else, legal or illegal."

"Whyzat, Rube?"

"Trump's mother was a Scottish immigrant, born on the Isle of Lewis, off the west coast of Scotland, and Trump's paternal grandparents were German immigrants. His grandfather immigrated to the United States in 1885, and became a naturalized United States citizen in 1892."

"You sound like you're readin' off a Wikipedia page, Rube."

"Well, that's where I got it from.  I also learned from Wikipedia that Trump's granddaddy changed the family name from Drumpf to Trump.  And, unlike a lot of stuff Donald Trump says, it's been fact-checked."  

"I never liked people of both Scottish and German derivation, Rube."

"Now, now, Elvin.  Some Scotch-Germans, I assume, are good people."

*

But it's becoming obvious that Donald Trump isn't one of them.