New Antiques

Here's a little story I wrote about how our technological progress has reached critical mass and how we may have to dial it back about ninety years or so - if we're lucky - to sustain Western civilization.

*

Clyde walked into the store to look at the many antiquated objects it had.  Mr. Bombardier, the proprietor, greeted him.

"May I help you?" Mr. Bombardier asked.

"No," said Clyde.  "I'm just looking around."

"Does anything happen to catch your eye?" said Mr. Bombardier.

Clyde, an audio freak, walked over to the radio and the old wind-up Victrola.  "Yes, these!" he answered.  "Love the radio - AM only, I see.  Ha ha! And this record player is exquisite!"  He knocked on the cabinets of each of them, satisfied with the sound of real wood.  

"We sell only the best," said Mr. Bombardier.

Clyde walked over to the other items on display, marveling at the sewing dummy and the hobby horse.  "My grandmother had a sewing dummy like that!" he said.  "And that hobby horse, that's like the one my dad had when he was a boy!  Wow, this is the coolest antiques store ever!"   

Mr. Bombardier looked perplexed.  "What makes you think this is an antiques store?" he asked.

Clyde pointed to the word "ANTIQUES" painted in the plate glass window.

"Oh, that," said Mr. Bombardier.  "I have to ask the sign company to remove that lettering."

"But aren't these antiques?"

"Not for long!"

It was Clyde's turn to look perplexed.

Mr. Bombardier had Clyde sit down in a chair.  "Let me explain," he said.  "The planet is running out of oil.  Wind, solar energy, geothermal, cold fusion . . . they're all empty promises.  Smoke and mirrors.  In a few years, we'll be living with no more than the same technology that existed when Warren Harding was President.  People who like to listen to music will have to be content with a few AM radio stations.  No satellite, no FM, no Internet radio.  No Internet, even.  No CDs or iPods, that's for sure.  We'll not only have to go back to thick vinyl records, you'll have to crank the record player yourself. And the music will be all acoustic - no more synthesizers or electric guitars."

"Oh," said Clyde.

"I've got books, too," Mr. Bombardier continued.  "They'll be back in style once we run out of energy to fuel Kindle pads.  Electronics? No more.  And foreign countries won't be able to fill our big-box stores with cheap clothes, and there won't be big-box stores anyway.  We'll have to make our own clothes.  I know I sound like a pessimist, but I'm a realist.  I'm getting ready to sell all the things we'll need to sustain civilization."

Clyde got up, nodding.  He walked over to the Victrola.  "So this still works?" he said as he began to wind it up.  Just then, Deep Purple's "Smoke On the Water" started playing.

"Wait a minute . . . " said Clyde.