Pagliacci Gets Medical Attention

Ever imagine Pagliacci going to see the doctor for a bad cut? 

*

"Okay, Pagliacci, I understand you cut yourself."

"Yes, Doc, but I couldn't let it show.  So I'm bleeding on the inside."

"So where did you cut yourself?"

"In my mouth."

"All right, let's have a closer look."

"Doc, can't you see?  It's all red around my mouth." 

"I thought that was a painted-on smile."

"What?  Doc, I'm Italian.  Italian clowns don't go over the top with face paint." 

"Is any blood coming out of your mouth?" 

"Who do you think I am, Gene Simmons?"

"You look more like Tippi Hedren to me."

"So what can I do, Doc?"

"Well, you've got a problem, it looks pretty bad.  Open wide . . ..  Geez, it's bad all right!  How did you cut yourself in the first place?"

"I bit my tongue laughing at Grimaldi."

"Oh yes, I know him . . . he was depressed, so I told him to go see you.  Okay, Pagliacci, I'm just going to put a bandage on your tongue . . . hold still, there . . .  right.  There.  Now I'm going to take a needle and siphon all this dried blood out from behind your mouth."

"Will the needle hurt, Doc?"

"Of course not.  You will!"

"You should be a clown, Doc."

"I don't like the big shoes.  Now, hold still while I stick it to ya!" 

"What?"

"Pagliacci, there's nothing wrong with you that an expensive procedure can't prolong!"

"I'm sorry I joined an American circus.  I can't get medical insurance, and you're much too expensive."

"Act like a mime and stop talking for a moment.  Now, hold still . . . steady . . . steady . . .."  

"Augh!"

"Hold still, I said . . ..  Good, all the blood's out!  You're fit as a fiddle!" 

"Ha ha ha!"

"Stop crying."

"I'm sorry, Doc, it's not the pain of the procedure, it's the thought of having to remain with this circus.  The other clowns are vulgar, the lion tamer has a superiority complex, the bareback riders are insolent, and the human cannonball is always blowing up." 

"Maybe you should go back to Italy."

"After what happened to Sophia Loren when she went back to Italy in the eighties?  I'm not doing any time for failing to pay back taxes."