Pulling a Fast (Food) One

Have you seen any of those Burger King commercials celebrating the 55th anniversary of the Whopper hamburger?  The ads announce that the fast food chain is offering, between December 6 and December 9, a Whopper for 55 cents.  Wow - a cool deal, and only for four days.  Right.  The ads are carefully worded, likely with fine print at the bottom of the screen, to make you think it's as cut and dry as that.  When I went to the Burger King in my hometown on Thursday to get a 55-cent Whopper, it turned out that you can get a Whopper for 55 cents if you buy one for the full price.  Since I went alone, getting a second Whopper for 55 cents was a completely useless gesture.  It was just a ploy to get folks into Burger King.

Oh, well.  Since I planned my afternoon around eating lunch at Burger King, and since I was already there, I decided to go ahead and eat there - though I ordered a crispy chicken sandwich.  Why not? I almost never eat at a fast food restaurant, so once in a blue moon wouldn't kill me.  I have a lot of friends who, either because they're health-conscious or because they're unpatriotic Americans, refuse to set foot in a fast food restaurant ever.  I will be the first to admit that fast food places are lousy places to eat, even for a quick lunch, because of all that salt and fat in their "meals."  But I actually like Burger King, because the food there is better than it has to be.  It's lousy, to be sure, but it still tastes good. 

Burger King and McDonald's have had a long rivalry for decades, and if given the choice, I will always eat at Burger King.  McDonald's represents the abdication of the lowest common denominator of the culinary quality of lower-class eateries.  In other words, McDonald's isn't even a good lousy restaurant.  It's possible to make even grade-zero food palatable, but McDonald's has never made an effort to do so.  The hamburger buns are always weak, the hamburgers themselves are fried, gray spheres  that taste like hockey pucks, and they always have pickles, mustard  and ketchup whether you want them or not.  Burger King, by contrast, welcomes special orders ("Have it your way"), broils its hamburgers, and always cooks them a little juicy.   Yes, its hamburgers are artery-clogging poison, but at Burger King they're tasty artery-clogging poison.  And its chicken sandwiches, while not much healthier, are at least on par with those at Wendy's.

So yes, I had a chicken sandwich at Burger King, along with fries (HORRORS!) and a beverage.  But not a syrup-laden, carbonated soft drink - I'm too smart for that.  I had a drink of Hi-C, specifically Hi-C fruit punch, which is less fruit than punch but is better than a soda. It was a decent lunch for the money, and I enjoyed it.  I didn't mind that Burger King used a ruse of a TV commercial to get me in the door.

Later that day, I felt a sharp pang in my stomach.

Hmm, it would seem I was suckered twice Thursday afternoon . . .