Bad Diet

How could any Republican be against Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign? 

Reason 1: Eating healthy food cuts into the very profitable food-processing business.

Reason 2: Exercise makes you less irritable and less likely to vote Republican. 

Reason 3: Anti-obesity guidelines are the federal government telling you what to do, so why don't they just shut up about it? 

Reason 4: Walkable neighborhoods and towns that allow you to leave your car at home more often don't help the oil industry (gasoline). 

Reason 5: Eating naturally fertilized, organic foods doesn't help the oil industry either (petrochemicals).

Reason 6: Republicans worship the agribusiness system that allows us to have year-round vegetables from California and Florida and allows farmland in the Northeast to be developed into tract housing, which necessitates more car travel, which helps the oil industry. 

Reason 7: Republicans are fat! Chris Christie? Rush Limbaugh? William Bennett? Even George Walker Bush? FAT! And they obviously like being fat, the better to show how well-fed they are . . . especially since they've made a lot of money shilling for the very interests that would not benefit from . . . Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign.