I Razz The Razzies

I want to express my displeasure with the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation.

Am I angry that they've nominated the legendary Sarah Jessica Parker for worst actress in two separate performances in two separate movies? No, since she has shown obvious poor judgment of late in the roles she plays.

Am I upset that Adam Sandler got a whopping eleven nominations, including worst actor and worst actress, for his non-comedy Jack and Jill, in which he plays both title roles? No, because I consider Sandler to be one of those typical dumb American males who go from adolescence to senility while bypassing adulthood, and so I do not take him seriously . . . at all.

Am I stunned that Madonna didn't get nominated as worst director for her ego voyage W./E.? No, because I don't think that movie was eligible for consideration anyway. Wait until 2013.

No, I'm peeved because the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation chose this year not to announce its nominations the day before the Oscar nominations or give out its awards the day before the Oscar ceremony. Instead, GRAF founder John Wilson and the voting members of his group chose to announce the nominations now and have their "award" ceremony on April 1 this time, because April Fool's Day was deemed a perfect date for it.

"I have always wondered if we stepped slightly away from lockstep with the Oscars, what would happen," Wilson explained. "We just kept hoping the Oscars would do their ceremony on April 2, but they just never did."

Right. As we all know, the Oscars were once held in late March, but the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences moved the ceremony up to February to take advantage of TV ratings sweeps. As for holding the Razzies five weeks later, it defeats the purpose of getting Hollywood's worst out of our system before we celebrate Hollywood's finest.

No matter, I eagerly look forward to seeing the purveyors of everything wrong with American cinema get their just deserts as soon as March has gone out like a lamb. And Wilson and the GRAF will come roaring in like lions . . . to which Adam Sandler will likely be thrown.