I don't know if my own words can express how I feel right now, but perhaps the song in the video clip below expresses it.
"Day Is Done" is a song composed and recorded by British singer-songwriter Nick Drake, and I've mentioned it before on my blog. Ostensibly about the end of a day, it is in fact about the end of life on earth, and all of the regrets death leaves, no matter how hard we try to live the best lives possible.
Nick Drake, a young man of troubled introspection in an business - the recording industry - that championed celebration and adulation, would only record three albums between 1969 and his death at 26 of an accidental drug overdose in 1974. Chillingly, this song was from his first album. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Day Is Done - Nick Drake
When the day is done,
Down to earth then sinks the sun,
Along with everything that was lost and won,
When the day is done.
When the day is done
Hope so much your race will be all run,
Then you find you jumped the gun.
Have to go back where you'd begun
When the day is done.
When the night is cold,
Some get by but some get old
Just to show life's not made of gold,
When the night is cold.
When the bird has flown,
Got no one to call your own,
Got no place to call your home,
When the bird has flown.
When the game's been fought,
You speed the ball across the court.
Lost much sooner than you would have thought,
Now the game's been fought.
When the party's through,
Seems so very sad for you.
Didn't do the things you meant to do.
Now there's no time to start anew,
Now the party's through.
When the day is done,
Down to earth then sinks the sun,
Along with everything that was lost and won,
When the day is done.
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