Let's Quit New Jersey

Here's a new proposal for the nation to consider . . ..  I propose that New Jersey be abandoned!

The Newark Star-Ledger reported in today's edition that global warming could adversely affect New Jersey, especially its coastline, by the year 2100. Major catastrophic floods - the kind that normally occur every ninety or a hundred years - could become more frequent by then, flooding nine percent of New Jersey's land mass on a regular basis. In addition, several species could be pushed to extinction, watersheds could be salinated, and up to 442 square miles - three percent of New Jersey's area - could become permanent ocean floor. Time to quit the Garden State, boys and girls! Geez, Camden has already been abandoned, and Paterson and Newark could be next - followed closely by East Orange. Besides, the tap water in these parts is bad enough already without having all that brine in it! Let the Atlantic Ocean reclaim the Jersey Shore, and turn whatever dry land is left over to Pennsylvania! It won't be very inhabitable anyway; the Navy can always use it for target practice! Who needs Vieques? And this will finally give us New Jerseyans who, through no fault of our own, were born and raised here and have wanted to leave for most of our lives, a legitimate reason to get out! Just don't move to New York City; we're not cool enough for Manhattan, we're not even tough enough for the Bronx, and the other three boroughs will likely also be under water!