Downhill

The Beijing Winter Olympics are quickly becoming a wet blanket.

Not only are these Games turning out to be incredibly boring, Team USA's performance is underwhelming, the team being so far down in the medal count it's comparable to our country's place in quality-of-life rankings.

And what I just said may be the wittiest comment I can make about these Winter Games. 

I tried watching last night but I found myself restless and easily distracted.  The women's cross-country skiing barely held my attention, though the women's snowboarding half-pipe competition was slightly more engaging.  Then came the women's slalom . . . and the return of Mikaela Shiffrin, ready to redeem herself after  skiing out of the giant slalom.

Then she skied out a second time.

On live television.  Even when NBC went to a commercial break, a sidebar screen continued to show Shiffrin just sitting there in the snow contemplating her terrible loss.

I couldn't watch after that.  Ahh, there are too many commercials anyway. 

As for what happened to Shiffrin - twice now -  I blame the fake snow. 😠  

Maybe the Winter Games will get better . . . 

Lindsey Bronze

The women's downhill ski race at the PyeongChang Winter Olympics is over, and Lindsey Vonn has won . . . the bronze medal. 

She finished behind her friend Sofia Goggia of Italy, who became the first woman from her country to win this event, and to win the downhill, and she was expected to take silver until Ragnhild Mowinckel of Norway - Norway again! - came in second.

Lindsey Vonn was very emotional about it, and she knows she'd done the best she could, but she also knows that this will be her last Winter Olympiad.

She's not done yet.  She and Mikaela Shiffrin will both be competing in the women's super combined slalom/downhill.  I managed to see the downhill race, but I might have to miss the super combined.  Other commitments, you understand . . .

Medal Drought

If not for the real problems affecting our country (relax, I'll get to the Mueller indictments later), overpaid television commentators would be talking about the United States' current fifth-place showing in the Winter Olympics medal count as a national crisis comparable to expensive gasoline.  The athletes from Nordic and Slavic countries keep winning all of the skiing medals - wow, big surprise! 

Actually, there was a big surprise - Ester Ledecká of the Czech Republic won the women's Super G slalom, dethroning leader Anna Vieth of Austria and preventing a sweep of the Teutonic Alpine countries (Tina Weirather of Lichtenstein, once a favorite in this race, had to settle for bronze, and Switzerland's Lara Gut had to settle for fourth place.  Ledecká shocked everyone, including herself, by taking the gold by one one-hundredth of a second . . . on skis borrowed from Mikeala Shiffrin.  It was a "Dewey Defeats Truman" moment for NBC, which had already declared Vieth the winner and had to break into coverage of another event to report that Ledecká had won.

Lindsey Vonn, another favorite in the women's Super G, came in sixth after a solid run that was compromised by a mistake toward the finish line.  Meanwhile, Nathan Chen, despite a strong comeback in his second performance in men's figure skating, didn't come close to a medal of any color.  (The winner?  Yuzuru Hanyu of Japan.)   All disappointing, yes.  But a national tragedy?  No.  So, if you're taking these losses in skiing, including the women's cross-country, as seriously as our withdrawal from the Paris Agreement, lighten up.  Especially if you're part of the overwhelming majority of Americans who only pay attention to skiing when the Winter Olympics are on - or dismiss men's figure skating as to effeminate.  

Maybe this medal drought is Trump Karma.

Want to make America great again in the Winter Olympics?  Encourage your kids to take part in winter sports.    

Downs and Ups

Slovenia, Slovakia . . . 

Tomato, tomahto.

Ha ha!  At the PyeongChang Winter Olympics, the U.S. men's ice hockey team had a rotten tomato of a game against Slovenia, but the guys redeemed themselves in a game against another small country once part of a Communist federation, Slovakia. The U.S. beat the Slovaks 2-1, putting themselves back in the hunt for a medal.  Now they have to face the Olympic Athletes from Russia team.

This could be tough . . .

But not as tough as the break that Mikaela Shiffrin got when she skied the women's slalom, her specialty event.  Though this is the event that she is must famous and was most favored for, she finished a disappointing fourth.

Well, even Crosby, Stills and Nash sang a flat harmony every now and then.

And then there was figure skater Nathan Chen . . . 

Oh dear . . . 

At least he was able to advance.  

Down, Down, Down

I'm watching Winter Olympic team luge as I type this, but I want to talk about skiing.

The high winds in the Korean mountains subsided enough yesterday to allow skiing competition , and while the women's regular slalom is still yet to be held, the giant slalom went without a hitch.  Mikaela Shiffrin (below) won the gold.

Unfortunately. I missed it.  I tuned in too late for her first run, and her second run didn't take place until after I went to bed.  But I did see the men's downhill (Aksel Lund Svindal of Norway won), and I saw it live.  NBC has had the luck of being able to broadcast early-afternoon events live during evening prime time in North America, the time difference between the U.S. East Coast and Korea being fourteen hours.  I've found myself not rooting for any one skier or any one country in any particular ski event.  Because ultimately, you see one skier go down the hill, then another . . . then another . . . then another . . . down . . . down . . . down.

And in the slalom, it's down, curve, down, curve, down, curve . . . but then you have the super giant slalom, or Super G, which is down, curve. down, curve . . . Good Lord MAMA! - Jesus Christ and General Jackson!  - Uncle Albert and Admiral Halsey! - down, curve, down. :-D

Ha ha, you get the idea.   

On the Slopes

Shaun White proved why he is the Michael Phelps of snowboarding, having come back from a shaky second run in the men's halfpipe at the PyeongChang Winter Olympics to nail it in the third.  It was touch and go there, and the snow on the course proved to be as hard as ice - it was too much for some of the competitors - but White came through like the champion he is, winning his third career gold medal.

Meanwhile, in skiing . . . Will the women's slalom ever be held?  Will any of the skiing competitions that have already started even finish?  Bad weather on the course has prevented Mikaela Shiffrin, the young skier with the stellar ability and the spell-checker-unfriendly name, has just had her PyeongChang on the women's slalom debut delayed for the second time because of it.  I haven't seen Winter Olympic skiing be delayed by bad weather this much since Sarajevo in 1984.  At least NBC can shift to figure skating; back in 1984, ABC had to settle for commentary and music from John Denver to fill the time.

And Bosnian turnip carts.

Wow - a country-folk-pop singer who hadn't had a hit in three years . . . and adventures in pushcart vending on the streets of Sarajevo!  Oh, the drama! 

And people wonder why ABC lost coverage of the Olympics . . ..

Though it's been a long time since I've seen a Bosnian turnip cart.

With the weather in the mountains of South Korea being what it is, the Winter Olympic organizers might have to give up the ski competition for Lent.

There are in fact a lot of Catholics in South Korea . . ..

Miller Time

Johnny Spillane became the first American to win a medal in the Nordic combined ski jumping and cross country event at the winter Olympics, earning the silver medal and just barely losing the gold to Jason Lamy Chappuis of France by four-tenths of a second. Meanwhile, a Canadian finally won an Olympic gold medal, winter or summer, at an Olympiad held in Canada by winning the gold medal in men's freestyle moguls - Alexandre Bilodeau, of Quebec, won that event yesterday.

But the big news is - Bode Miller finally won another Olympic medal!

Everyone's favorite sot from the 2006 Winter Games, who had won two silver medals in Salt Lake City in 2002 but got wasted in Torino and went home empty-handed, won the bronze medal in the men's downhill skiing race, missing out on a higher podium position by less than a second. (Didier Defago of Switzerland took the gold medal and Aksel Svindal of Norway took the silver. Mller's was just .09 seconds behind Defago and .02 seconds behind Svindal.) Miller credits his unlikely comeback - more incredulous due to the abysmal season he had last year - to a more serious attitude and a simple desire to race. The fact that he became a father two years ago might have also taught him some responsibility.

I don't know how many other races Miller is entered in, but it looks like he's on his way to fulfilling his Olympic promise of four years earlier. It's nicer to know that he's back, but, dude, what's that going to do to my Vancouver coverage? I'll have to look elsewhere for satire!

I've been going over my commentary on Torino from four years ago, by the way, and I think I peaked in terms of Winter Olympics ridicule. And apparently, Miller was a primary source for a good deal of that ridicule. :-O

Live From Vancouver - NOT!

I haven't seen much to make fun of on this first full day of competition at the Vancouver Winter Olympics, but the opening ceremony was certainly entertaining. The Canadians put on a tasteful, understated show (too bad about that pillar that failed to lift during the torch lighting ceremony, though), much different from the the kind of Olympic ceremonies their neighbors to the south stage. Fess up: If not for Muhammad Ali lighting the torch, would you have remembered the opening ceremony at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics fondly? Or even remembered it? I'm still trying to forget Kiss at the closing ceremony at Salt Lake City in 2002. That's the real reason, I believe, why the International Olympic Committee said no to Chicago's bid for the 2016 Games.

Oh yeah, Vancouver. Well, I'm pleased that Hannah Kearney won a gold medal in women's skiing moguls and all that, but, uh, you do realize that this is a sport involving twirls in the air and going over bumps deliberately placed on the course! I'll be impressed when an American wins a gold medal in a real sport, like ice dancing.

On a serious note. . . . The luge competition is on as I type. They've moved the men's starting line down to where the women's starting line used to be and the women's starting line even farther down. Since that fatal accident involving the luger from Georgia, safety is being taken even more seriously.