Spanish Tide

Yesterday's World Cup championship game was one of the most tedious and poorly played soccer games I have ever seen. The overall quality of the play was far more mediocre than I expected from two national teams that had never won the Cup before, especially when the Spanish team was playing for the FIFA championship for the first time in the tournament's history. The biggest miracle in Johannesburg was that anyone scored at all.

That said, I'm glad the Spaniards won with that goal at literally the last minute. Spain played diligently and arduously throughout the tournament; they deserve the victory. Some people might be tempted to compare this to the New Orleans Saints winning the Super Bowl. It's not that big. It's bigger.

The Netherlands? I'm kind of glad they lost. The Dutch playing style in this World Cup was aggressive to the point of being nasty. I don't care if they were in their third championship game and lost yet again; I come from a country that was in the same boat with Spain until now. Besides, it's hard to get excited about the Dutch. Because apart from founding New York City, giving the world Rembrandt and Van Gogh, cultivating tulips, building levees and dikes that don't collapse, perfecting wind energy, and reclaiming land from the sea, what have the Dutch really done for Western civilization? ;-)

Movin'

My oh my, a lot of folks are movin' up and movin' out these days, aren't they?

After pleading guilty to espionage, the ten Russian spies apprehended a couple of weeks ago were sent home and traded for four Russian spies working for the West. Alas, despite numerous pleas from single guys, we did not keep Anna Chapman. New Jersey's planted spies, Richard and Cynthia Murphy - their real names are Vladimir and Lydia Guryev - also returned home with their children. The daughters, Lisa and Kate - whose real names are Lisya and Ekaterina, I assume - are in for some big-time culture shock after growing up American. No one in Russia knows who Hannah Montana is, and I doubt Russians know or care who SpongeBob SqaurePants is. The Murphy - Guryev - sisters, having learned their ABCs, now have to learn their A Б Bs.

Basketball star LeBron James finally announced that he's leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers to play for the Miami Heat, dealing a death blow to the economic lifeblood of a city that's only begun to recover from the loss of tourist business from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as a result of Madonna's induction. The bad news is that a lot of LeBron James/Cavaliers jerseys have been burned in Cleveland as a form of protest. The good news is that the Cuyahoga River hasn't been set ablaze as well. A friend of mine who lives in Newark, New Jersey - a long way away from Cleveland or Miami - has declared herself a Heat fan. Well, at least she's rooting for an individual and not the uniform. (As Jerry Seinfeld once said, sports fans root for clothes.) Now the heat is on the Heat to win a championship, something that's eluded James in his career. With an increasingly well-paid cadre of all-stars to its credit, the Heat - I hate singular names for sports teams - are the New York Yankees of basketball. That's not a compliment. The Yankees are hated intensely too.

Speaking of sports, the World Cup soccer third-place match was held today, and Germany defeated Uruguay two to one, insuring a European sweep of the top three positions, as Spain plays the Netherlands for the championship tomorrow. One team will move to the winner's spot. Neither team has won the Cup before.

Many supporters of Major League Soccer in the United States, though, are afraid that the U.S. team's relatively early exit has dampened interest in the final, and that few people in this country will watch it. Americans don't care that the Dutch team has reached the World Cup finals for the first time since 1978 or that Spain has reached them first time ever. All Americans care about is that we never have. And I doubt ethnic pride can help the ratings very much because very few Americans of a Spanish-speaking ethnic background trace their roots to Spain itself, and most Americans of Dutch descent have been so assimilated for decades, they don't see themselves as Dutch at all. Well, maybe Eddie Van Halen and his brother Alex will tune in.

Might as well jump. :-)

Blow It Like Beckham

England fell in the World Cup round of sixteen early today, losing to Germany, which has made it to every World Cup quarterfinal beginning in 1954, which, as any who saw The Marriage of Maria Braun knows, was their first tournament victory.

As for England . . . hmmph. Being an English soccer fan is the equivalent of being a baseball fan who roots for the Mets. You always hope for your team to repeat a miracle victory that happened decades ago, but you know in your heart of hearts that it's not . . . gonna . . . happen. Actually, that's an unfair comparison. The Mets at least won the World Series twice.

England scored a goal in the game that replays showed was clearly over the goal line and would have tied the game at two apiece but the German goalkeeper grabbed it and threw it back, and the goal was never counted as a point. The English protested, but the result stood. It was an ironic reversal of a German score in the 1966 championship game that gave England the victory.

In other news, Argentina eliminated Mexico three to one. Not exactly the most elegant game. Gee whiz, the Mexican players were hurling themselves into their own net while unsuccessfully trying to stop the Argentines from doing the same with the ball.

Germany and Argentina now meet each other on Saturday.

Going, Going, Ghana

Okay, so the United States lost to Ghana in their World Cup game. All right, so they don't advance to the quarterfinals. But -and you knew I was coming to a "but," and it's a heck of a "but" - they got more Americans interested in soccer and attracted more fans to the sport. The Major League Soccer All-Star Game next month is likely to draw its largest audiences ever. Landon Donovan is a celebrity on the order of David Beckham. The U.S. has now competed in six consecutive World Cup tournaments. And when the MLS championship is played this fall, even the most apathetic Americans will be able to tell you who won, just as even Americans completely disinterested in football can tell you the New Orleans Saints won this year's Super Bowl.

Okay, maybe not so much on that last point, but the American team can now be taken seriously. They played with heart and passion, and they won the hearts and attention spans of millions. They won their group and outperformed the French and the Italians - the two teams who played for the Cup in 2006. They made it difficult for Ghana to win. The United States men's soccer team returns home with their heads held high and their dignity intact.

But did we have to lose to Ghana, the same country that eliminated us from the 2006 tournament?

Goal!

You know, I'm one of those disgruntled souls who grew cynical about patriotism, largely because I found so many scoundrels taking refuge there. To paraphrase Bill Maher, I grew tired of Americans yelling how we're number one even though we don't have the objective rankings and studies to back up our claim. I have been hugely embarrassed at this country being seventeenth in the number of women in elective office, twenty-second in controlling infant mortality, twenty-fifth in mathematical aptitude, thirty-seventh in health care delivery, and forty-ninth in literacy. I have bitched about how our high incarceration rate, our high murder rate, our massive military spending, and our coddling of millionaires at the expense of everyone else.

But when Landon Donovan scored the deciding goal late in the second half in the U.S. men's soccer team's match against Algeria, I couldn't help but cheer. I was proud to be an American. They did it. The American men's soccer team proved that the United States is a force in the game to be reckoned with. They showed that soccer is growing in America, and that it's becoming more accepted and more mainstream. They proved we have some of the best, most talented, and the most determined players in the world. They never gave up. They pulled through. They now advance to the group of sixteen out of 32 teams.

It almost makes me forget that, according to a recent survey, 41 percent of all Americans believe Jesus will return before the middle of the century.

Oy.

More World Cup Musings

Could the United States win the World Cup after all?

Maybe not, but they're playing with such determination and passion that they're outshining many of the European teams right now. The French team is failing so badly to gel, it's become a national crisis back home. England has played so haphazardly, they're acting more like the losers of 1066 than the winners of 1966. And the Spaniards lost to Switzerland, which actually isn't as embarrassing as Germany losing to Serbia.

The Americans could have lost to Slovenia 2 to 0, but came back in the second half of that game to tie it and avoid utter humiliation. They couldn't avoid a disallowed goal that would have given them a winning point, and they still have no idea why Malian referee Koman Coulibaly ruled against them. But given all the jostling and shoving that preceded Maurice Edu's goal, I'm not entirely sure it was a fair shot. No one's sure of the exact reason, and Coulibaly isn't explaining. Meanwhile, the American team is trying to put it in the past in concentrating on what should be an easy win against Algeria tomorrow.

Except that Algeria forced England into a scoreless draw.

Cupdate

Clever, huh?

People are still talking about the upset win in World Cup soccer by Switzerland over Spain, heavily favored to make the finals id not win the Cup this year. This is roughly the equivalent of the New York Yankees losing to the Chicago Cubs in interleague play (because we know the Yankees would never meet the Cubs in the World Series). It's been said that it was embarrassing for the Spaniards to lose to a country famous for making chocolate and clocks, but it makes sense that the Swiss would deliver a sweet, precise victory.

Greece, meanwhile, won its first World Cup game over, defeating Nigeria two to one. Nigeria controlled the game in the first half until midfielder Sani Kaita was shown a straight red card for kicking Greek player Vassilis Torosidis, forcing the Nigerians to play the rest of the half and the game with one player fewer. Torosidis scored the deciding Greek goal in the seventy-first minute. Given Greece's recent troubles, the country - whose soccer team is not a Cup favorite - needed a psychological boost. The go against Argentina on Tuesday.

Meanwhile, the Mexico-France game reminded me of far less recent events. After a scoreless first half, Mexico scored two spectacular goals in the second half, shutting out the French. It if seemed to be like Cinco de Mayo in the stands, bear in mind that Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Battle of Puebla in 1862, in which the Mexicans defeated an invading French army. The Mexicans seemed to enjoy the chance of taunting the French in this defeat, with cries of "Olé! Olé!"

Mexico needs to tie in their next game to advance. France, the 1998 Cup champion, just needs another win to save face. :-O

World Cup Update

The contest for the World Cup in South Africa won't shape up for awhile, as the national soccer teams vie for position to get out of their respective groups, but the big surprise was that England and the USA tied at one apiece. American goalkeeper Tim Howard let a ball get by him early in the first half, but English goalkeeper Robert Green made an even bigger blunder, letting the ball go right through his hands and roll softly across the line and into the net. Had Jozy Altidore, who had a blazing run with the ball across the field in the second half, managed to get it through Green's defense (and he came very close!), The United States would have won outright.

The United States can claim a morale victory for going against England, one of the mightiest soccer teams on the planet, and holding their own. The United States still has an outside chance at the cup at best, but England could be on its way to winning it for the first time since 1966.

Meanwhile, perennial Cup powerhouse Germany (three Cup championships) scored four to nothing in their match against Australia today. Geez, those Aussies are playing like Canadians! :-D

World Cup Kickoff

The 2010 World Cup tournament is underway, and the United States faces its first match - and will likely meet it - against England. (The United Kingdom doesn't send a single team to the Cup; the three nations that comprise the British state have separate teams.) I hope the the American team will go far, and hopefully reach the top eight, but that long-ago goal (no pun intended) to win the cup this year is pretty much a pipe dream. World Cup by 2010 - it can't be done!

The most amazing thing about the American team is that they're in South Africa for the tournament. This marks the sixth consecutive World Cup tournament that Team USA has participated in. A little over twenty years ago, the idea of any American team in the World Cup was crazy. Reasons that soccer hasn't taken off in the United States that it has in other countries include rules incompatible with American commercial television (hard to have a lot of commercials without timeouts) and scoring incompatible with bookmakers (not enough of a point spread on which to place bets). But Americans play soccer, some of them even like to watch it, and the fact that Team USA is a contender despite the shaky situation at home (Major League Soccer doesn't exactly enjoy a high profile) says something. We're a lot better off than Canada, which sent its team to the World Cup only once, in 1986.

That's astonishing!

Canada has a soccer team? :-D