Psychos. Killers.

Donald Trump has a new theory involving Joe Biden.  He thinks that Biden was executed in 2020 after a military tribunal and was replaced with an animatronic robot.  He apparently found out after studying the cover of the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and concluded that it was Biden's hand being extended over Paul McCartney's head.  

And also, he found the smoking-gun clue by listening to the 2021 fiftieth-anniversary remaster of the Doors' L.A. Woman at a speed two semitones lower than the proper pitch.  At the lower semitone, Jim Morrison, instead of singing "Mr. Mojo risin'" on the title track, is actually singing, "We killed old Joe Biden."

Also, if you listen closely to Ray Manzarek's extended organ solo on "Riders On the Storm," Morrison can be heard whispering in the background, I'm faking my death in Paris and moving to Johannesburg."

Meanwhile, U.S. Senator Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) defended cuts to Medicare and Medicaid at a town hall in Iowa, during which a constituent expressed fair that, without necessary health care, people were going to die.  Ernst replied that, eventually, we are all going to die.  (In the long run, we are all dead.  Sounds familiar.)  Ernst later apologized - well, not really - saying in a video taped in a cemetery that she "made an incorrect assumption that everyone in the auditorium understood that, yes, we are all going to perish from this earth . . ..  So I apologize, and I’m really, really glad that I did not have to bring up the subject of the tooth fairy as well."  And then she revealed her own health-care plan: "But for those that would like to see eternal and everlasting life, I encourage you to embrace my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ."

Jesus Christ is reported to have said in response, "Oh, Me." 

Personally, I think Joni Ernst was killed in a freak accident in England in which a stone from the Tower of London got dislodged and fell on her head and she has since been replaced by a wax figure at Madame Tussaud's.  

In a normal country - say, Finland - a President believing in conspiracies about replacing dead people with robots and a lawmaker whose solution to a longer, healthier life is embracing the promise of eternal life after death would be a reason for dissolving the government and calling for new elections.  The Constitution doesn't have a provision like that, of course, mainly because Washington and Franklin never dreamed that people in the government would be this stupid. 

I'm now going to listen to Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the U.S.A." backwards.  Maybe I can find out what happened to Jimmy Hoffa. 😀