Breaking Olympics News

Oh, man, I'm so off my game (no pun intended) in satirizing the Olympics this year. I haven't been able to come up with anything as biting, cutting, or just plain witty as what I've come up with in Olympiads past. Though, when the U.S. men's field hockey team - a team so hapless and pitiful it makes the men's soccer team look like the 1970s Steelers - is allowed to play in the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics for being the host team, the chances for ridicule should increase exponentially.

Meanwhile, I've been catching excerpts of the commentary on the Paris Games from Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson, and all I can do is shake my head. They have the knack. Their satire of the Olympics has been pitch perfect. They got it. I don't. I bow to superior forces.

But then, how can I, a lowly blogger from the Joisey suboibs, possibly come up with anything fresh to say about the Olympics in a satiric manner when the newest "sport" in the Games is . . . break dancing? Called, in the Olympics, "breaking!"

No - this is breaking!

Or this!

Break dancing as an Olympic event . . . Ladies and gents, there is no need to satirize the Olympic movement this year because the Olympic movement has satirized itself.

And because LA will host the Games in 2028 for the third time - Los Angeles, a city once described by Woody Allen as a place where people's idea of a cultural advantage is a right turn on a red light - I should have an easier time of making fun of the whole enterprise. Just don't tell the men's field hockey team I have their butts in my poison-pen gun sights.