It's a Dog's Life

The bitch killed the bitch! 

Kristi Noem, the Republican governor of South Dakota and true believer of Donald Trump, reveals in an upcoming memoir that, in 2004, she took her female dog Cricket to a ditch and shot her in cold blood because she aid the dog was "untrainable" as a hunting animal.  Noem said that she would take Cricket out to train her how to hunt ans suss out game but the dog - a puppy, at fourteen months old - would go around and chase birds and frolic in the field or the woods.  In other words, exactly what puppies do.  

Noem says she wanted to prove that she was capable of making tough decisions, as if taking out a dog to . . . take her out would be seen on par with making tough decisions like whether or not to aid Ukraine or sic the military on demonstrators, a nudge to Trump to get her to consider her as a vice presidential running mate.   Instead she caused so much bipartisan disgust and outrage that even Steve Bannon - no one's idea of an empathetic guy - denounced her.  (No response from noted wolf-killer Sarah Palin yet.)

We all know that the country's two most popular domestic animals are dogs and cats.  Cats, as we all know, are hesitant and standoffish when it comes to humans.  We cat lovers adore cats unreservedly, but we know we have to earn a cat's love.  Dogs, by contrast, give love to humans unconditionally and with complete trust.  Kristi Noem violated that trust when she shot a dog for no valid or legitimate reason and took advantage of her power over the dog.  Noem is such an insufferable excuse for a human being that she should be glad she didn't try to shoot a cat.  The cat would have fought back. 

Despite having made herself Public Enemy Number One among members of the ASPCA, Noem, alas, will likely remain in contention for the Vice Presidency. Trump doesn't like dogs - he doesn't like any domestic animals, and I am certain that he, like Caesar, Napoleon, Mussolini, and Hitler before him, despises cats - and so this action will probably endear her to him.  A Trump-Noem ticket would be perfect.  Trump can be the judge and jury as President . . . and Vice President Noem can be the executioner.

Oh yeah, Noem also admits to shooting a goat on her farm because it kept butting up her kids and messing up their clothes.