There They Go Again

Dolly Parton is stone country.  To many people too young to remember Patsy Cline, Dolly Parton is country music.  So it was just as amusing to her as it was to everyone else when the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominated her for the 2022 class of inductees.  As with their rap nominees and inductees, the Parton nomination sent a twofold message to classic-rock fans: We're more aware of the diversity and diverse influences of rock and roll than you are, and the reason we haven't nominated your favorite acts is because we hate their guts.

Parton appreciated the nomination but said that she wanted to decline it on the grounds that she never made a straight rock and roll album, though she has covered rock songs such as Led Zeppelin's "Stairway To Heaven" and Collective Soul's "Shine" (though, the less said about her disco record "Baby I'm Burnin'," the better).  She didn't want her nomination to split the votes in favor of nominees who are straight rock and rollers.

"Even though I’m extremely flattered and grateful to be nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame," she said, "I don't feel that I have earned that right.  I really do not want votes to be split because of me, so I must respectfully bow out."

So, you'd think the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame would respect her wishes and withdraw her name, right? Think again, sucka!  The Hall's board said that they considered Parton rock and roll because her music has inspired so many rockers as well as artists from other genres (well, I do hear an influence of "9 to 5" in the Pointer Sisters' 1984 hit "Neutron Dance").  As the board members explained in this press release to Cleveland's WKYC-TV:

All of us in the music community have seen Dolly Parton’s thoughtful note expressing her feeling that she has not earned the right to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. In addition to her incredible talent as an artist, her humility is another reason Dolly is a beloved icon by millions of fans around the world.

From its inception, rock and roll has had deep roots in rhythm and blues and country music. It is not defined by any one genre, rather a sound that moves youth culture. Dolly Parton’s music impacted a generation of young fans and influenced countless artists that followed. Her nomination to be considered for induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame followed the same process as all other artists who have been considered.

Dolly’s nomination, along with the other 16 artists for the class of 2022, was sent out earlier this month to our 1,200 general ballot voters, the majority of whom are artists themselves, for consideration for induction at our ceremony.

We are in awe of Dolly’s brilliant talent and pioneering spirit and are proud to have nominated her for induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

In other words. they'll do anything to avoid inducting Jethro Tull. 

Oh, by the way, Dolly Parton's music did not "impact" people, it "influenced" them.  By saying it impacted them, the Hall has suggested that her records fall on people like boulders.  I, for one, have never been knocked unconscious by a copy of the Jolene album. 

The board also explained its nominating process: "Nominee ballots are sent to an international voting body of more than 1,000 artists, historians, and members of the music industry.  Factors such as an artist's musical influence on other artists, length and depth of career and the body of work, innovation and superiority in style and technique are taken into consideration."

So I guess the the first factor would eliminate Joe Cocker (more influenced than influencing, and he appropriated Ray Charles), the second factor would eliminate Little Feat (they simply never sold that many records), but then there's the third factor, superiority in style and technique - if that's so important, how come Richard Thompson isn't an inductee and Kiss are?  

All of this goes to show that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame remains under control of arrogant pricks.  They decide what constitutes worthy rock and roll, and the fans' opinions are irrelevant.  Sure, we can vote for inductions, but the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame board still chooses the candidates and no write-ins are allowed (so forget about voting for Family).  They know better than you do.  They know what real rock an roll is.  That's why they inducted Madonna, who can't sing, can't write songs, and can't arrange them with any competence, and why Suzi Quatro is still waiting for a phone call from Cleveland to learn of her nomination.  This sort of elitism begets angry, dangerous populism among the masses.  After all, Hillary Clinton exuded the same sort of elitism in her 2016 presidential campaign, and we all know how that turned out!

Anyway, Dolly Parton is a really classy lady for asking to take herself out of the running, and she knows rock and roll better than the board does (just as, in 9 to 5, her character Dora Lee signed her boss's name better than he did).  But with her name still on the ballot, the best way to honor her wishes is to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's site and cast a ballot for someone else.  Right now, she's fourth in the fan vote behind Duran Duran (pretty-boy synth-popsters who wrote songs by stringing random words together), Eminem (black or white, all rappers do nothing but make noise by speaking into a microphone with dial-tone-like noises in the background)  and Pat Benatar (who never would have become a star if she hadn't worn spandex outfits to attract horny suburban white teenage boys). The five artists with the most votes will produce a "fan ballot" that will be counted with the ballots of the "experts" (the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's Electoral College) to determine the inductees.

So go vote for anyone but Dolly . . . and the three "artists" ahead of her.

You know there is one way Dolly could get her name off the ballot.  She could rush-release a cover of Jethro Tull's "Look Into the Sun." 😉