I Surrender

I think I'll be . . . I'm leaving . . . the band now. - George Harrison, at the Beatles' Get Back/Let It Be rehearsal sessions 

Clearly, under present circumstances, this campaign cannot go on. - Gary Hart, withdrawing from the 1988 presidential campaign after failing to put a sex scandal behind him

Both George Harrison, realizing that a Beatles concert for a live and television audience wouldn't work, and Gary Hart, realizing that no one would stop talking about his cruise to Bimini with a woman not his wife until the end of time, knew when to pull the plug.  True, Harrison returned to the Beatles, who then finished the Let It Be project and recorded Abbey Road, and yes, Hart got back in the 1988 presidential campaign, but the Beatles were done a year after the Get Back/Let It Be sessions and Hart never become President or finished higher than sixth or seventh in the presidential primaries before dropping out a second time.  Both George Harrison and Gary Hart got back in the race even when it became apparent that the race was all but run.

Similarly, I feel a need to quit after trying again and again to realize my ambitions.  March may not be going out like a lamb meteorologically (damn thunderstorms!), but it is for me.  I had so many ambitious goals before COVID hit two years ago, and despite the easing of the pandemic, its end is still  a long way off - it may not come at all.  For years, I've been tying to travel abroad, but something always happened to prevent it, and the pandemic, as well as the war in Ukraine, makes it very unlikely that I'll go anytime soon or anytime later.  Attempts to see people in person again have mostly fallen flat, I'm going through the motions at the two jobs I work for, and I feel like a prisoner in my house.

I've had to deal with this problem of unrealized goals before.  After a year and a half of making plans to go to graduate school back in my twenties, my plans fell through, and I let my GRE scores expire without ever retaking the test.  When it became apparent that graduate school was out of the question, I spent many months trying to get an entry-level job in publishing or broadcasting and ended up achieving neither.  I took an editing course at the School of Continuing Professional Studies at New York University, and while I got my editing certificate, attempts to find an editing job went nowhere and the skills I picked up have long since atrophied.  My basic situation hasn't changed in years. After 34 years out of college, I still live with my mother. 

I don't see much to look forward to in the future.  Climate change is irreversible, America seems to be on the verge of civil war, and the next presidential administration is likely to be a right-wing dictatorship - and when that happens, I'll likely be sent to a labor camp in North Dakota for sedition.

This waiting game simply cannot go on.  I feel like I've been on a journey to a better place only to end up having to stop in some deep, dark forest, build a log cabin and make myself comfortable where I am until I can figure out what to do.  That's going to take a long time.
I'll still be here on my blog.  But don't expect me to find me way to where I want to be.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have severe thunderstorms today to worry about. 😩