Things We Can Do Without

One of the good things about a crisis as bad as the coronavirus pandemic is that we give up things to get through the crisis only to realize that we haven't missed them when the crisis is over. Perhaps this crisis will lead us to discard things we've just given up to fight the pandemic that we realize we should have gotten rid of a long time ago - and then get rid of them for good.  In fact, I can think of a few things myself.

Intercollegiate athletics.  March Madness, the stupidly and alliteratively named college basketball tournament that always happens this time of year, has been called off not to be rescheduled.  So forget May Madness.  But seriously, why do we have college sports programs in the first place?  The students are regularly exploited for their athletic talents, and they're cheated by being given easy courses to pass to keep them on the teams. (They take music appreciation courses in which they're asked if would like to hear music, and they get a passing grade when they answer, "Yes, I'd appreciate that!")  Maybe if we didn't have college athletics, the students could actually spend more time learning how to really appreciate music as well as literature, history, and classical languages to train them how to think.  And no one would be bribing colleges and universities to get their athletically challenged and academically challenged kids an athletic scholarship for croquet.

the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  The induction ceremony for the 2020 class, scheduled for May 2, was postponed to a date yet to be determined.  By the time the class of 2020 is inducted - which could be in early 2021 - no one will care and no one will pay attention to the inductions.  So maybe the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame will, like rock and roll itself, come to an end.  Use the museum building in Cleveland for a performing arts school, sort of a Julliard on Lake Erie.  As for us rock fans, we can happily go on listening to Classic Vinyl and Spectrum on Sirius XM (which is the best way to honor rock and rollers) and stop bitching about how N.W.A. can get in when Jethro Tull or the Avett Brothers can't.

Cruise ships.  I have never understood the logic of going on a cruise.  You get on a ship, go around in a circle through the Caribbean, and then get off where you got on in the first place.  In between you stop at ports of call where you don't stay for long, you're "treated" to cheap "gourmet" meals and  lame theatrical productions - usually Celine Dion revues or the like - and you have to put up with a perky cruise director urging you to give table tennis a shot.  The only ocean liners we should have are ones that get you from one place to another, like the Queen Mary 2.  Because if I set sail from Miami only for my destination to be . . . Miami, I might as well have stayed there.     

Obnoxious family members.  Honestly, folks, if you're not missing Uncle Brian or Cousin Earl by now, there's probably a good reason.  Cut the cord already.

Commuting.  And if you can work from home during a pandemic, you can do the same when it's over.  Why drive to work?  You can't even enjoy the drive with all that traffic anyway.

Disney World.  Is there really anything interesting about a giant amusement park in an area the size of San Francisco with stupendously ugly resort hotels and a fake Main Street far less charming that the real one where you live, all connected by glitzy monorails and populated by costumed characters - with the promise of endless pleasure?  Don't be an ass.

Butlin's.  That goes for those holiday camps in Britain as well.  Even the Brits know they're ridiculous.  Asked what the thought of  the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's retreat in India upon returning to Britain, Ringo Starr answered, "It was just like Butlin's."  Having stayed in India for three days, he did not mean that as a compliment.

Presidential debates with audiences.  I've mentioned this before, and I cannot emphasize this enough.  Audience reactions to gaffes or disagreeable positions are distracting and annoying.  If tail-end Boomer Martin O'Malley hadn't been booed for making a foreign-policy argument in favor of generational change in a debate against Boomer elder Hillary Clinton and Silent Generation avatar Bernie Sanders, we'd all have been better off.    

This guy.

That goes without saying.

I hope this has been helpful.

(Things we do need again when the pandemic is over include baseball, dinner dates, hugs and kisses, schools, libraries, museums, auto shows, Nancy Pelosi, social media in case we have another pandemic, chocolate-covered peanut butter patties, and toilet paper - lots and lots of toilet paper.)