It's Only Words

The mainstream media keep going on and on and on about the lack of a clear agenda coming from Occupy Wall Street, and even though the group does indeed have one, they haven't been able to articulate it in a series of sound bites that Middle America can understand.  In this arena, the Tea Party and the Republicans clearly beat them hands down.  Republicans and their fascistic allies have been able to get away with every bad policy they've ever dreamed up because of an economy of words in selling their ideas.

Thanks to Republican word wizard Frank Luntz, they've been able to carefully choose and manipulate words to make their ideas somehow sound palatable.  They got rid of the inheritance tax by calling it the "death tax."  They watered down the health care law by calling the public option a "government takeover," and now they're calling rich, greedy oligarchs "job creators." 

So I'd like to speak directly to the Occupy Wall Street group, and here's what I have to say: You guys need your own personal Frank Luntz.  You need someone who can simplify both your demands - and your name.  You need . . . me.  Now, about your name - Occupy Wall Street? That's not a name, that's what you do! So here's what I propose: If you're going against the Tea Party, then call yourself . . . the Pure Water League! That'll tie in with your environmental concerns.

You also need your own euphemisms.  And here's the sweetest part: Your euphemisms, unlike the Republicans' euphemisms, would have a ring of truth.  Call the billionaire bankers "bank robbers!"  Call the corporate shareholders "job destroyers!" Call the hedge fund managers "money traders!"  Call all of the above "fat cats" - that term has existed for years!  It's time you adopted it.

And what do you stand for? Health care for all, quality public transit, unions, an end to voter suppression . . ..  Wait! That's too much!  Fox News will cut to the Conrad Murray trial before you get the first point listed. Remember on "Happy Days," how Richie Cunningham, while running for high school student body president, bored teenagers with his twenty-two points? Even President Woodrow Wilson had only fourteen!  You only need two points.  The Tea Party has two points - small government and lower taxes.  Your two points should be, tax the rich and fight for the little guy!  (No, feminists, "little guy and gal" takes to long so say - for the sake of this argument, "guy" is gender-neutral, like on the last episode of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," where the station boss kept Ted Baxter on the job as news anchor, and said to the remainder of the news staff, "I'm going to have the let the rest of you guys go" - including Mary.)

There, Occupy Wall Street - I mean, Pure Water League, no you know what to do.  Now you know what to say.  Get out there and say it!