The Trumpster In the Dumpster

Donald Trump has announced that he will not run for President of the United States, sparing American civics teachers - what few are left - the unenviable task of explaining to their students why the system allows almost anyone to run for the office. But Sarah Palin and, more realistically, Michele Bachmann will likely have a lot of people going through contortions figuring out the benefits of a constitutional clause that only requires you to be native-born and at least 35 years old to run for President or Vice President, without the safeguard of an IQ test.

As for Trump, the real estate developer said he's decided that he loves the world of business too much to run for office. And besides, it allows him to do what he does best: evict tenants from rent-controlled apartments and build ugly skyscrapers with his name on it. Trump has made himself a laughingstock whenever it comes to talking about issues, most especially the issues only he is concerned about. Anyone remember his war against street food vendors on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan because their spilled food was messing up the sidewalks?

Anyway, for all of his notoriety as a businessman, the Donald has had some notable failures, most notably Trump Airlines, a shuttle service he had bought and renamed for himself and then transformed from a no-frills New York-to-Washington air carrier into a luxury airline. Then there was that Monopoly-style board game designed to teach families on rainy summer days how to be vulgar condo peddlers. (The proceeds from the board game were to be donated to charity, but that gambit failed, as there were no proceeds.)

So, Trump doesn't exactly have a record of unblemished success. He's certainly had his share of of failed marriages, not to mention bankruptcies. Well, we don't need his expertise on bankruptcy, we already have a national debt hitting the limit as of today. Oh, I'm sure a President Trump could get us out of debt soon enough, but he'd only get us back in.

Everyone agrees this was a publicity stunt gone wrong. Even the ratings for his reality show suffered. But when he dared to question President Obama's legitimacy just as the President got Osama bin Laden, it pretty much left the short-fingered deal artist red-faced - even more so than the President's skewering of Trump at the White House correspondents dinner. Rather than admit was he wrong, Trump announced that he would continue doing his part to help America get out of the ditch - which I suppose means either building another ugly condo in Atlantic City or endorsing a Republican presidential candidate on Fox News.

Ah, I give up, I can't make fun of this guy. Donald Trump has already lampooned himself.