Suburban Inferiority

I'm going to try something new tonight by ranting about something that's been on my mind for awhile, much in the style of Bill Maher's "New Rules." I'll see if I can come up with one every week. So sit back and enjoy. Here I go for tonight. . . . 

Suburbanites ought to stop complaining about how city residents look down on them. This goes double for people who live in the greater New York area suburbs in northern New Jersey and Long Island. The reason city residents feel superior to suburbanites is because they are. City dwellers have at arm's length an array of cultural opportunities ranging from ballet and opera to theater and art museums. What passes for culture in suburbia is mainly free summertime concerts featuring Billy Joel tribute bands and Italian-American doo-wop groups who last had a hit record when U2 was a spy plane! While city residents can go to to a nice bed and breakfast for a weekend in the country, suburbanites have to settle for working in the yard on Saturday and/or Sunday because they have to take some time out to keep that crabgrass under control! Hey, you work the rest of the week, and the fertilizer ain't gonna spread itself! And the next time you dress for yard work, or even to go to the supermarket when your wife drags you there to help with the weekly grocery shopping, take a good look at yourself in the mirror - you'll see exactly why people like you get turned away from hip urban nightclubs! Remember, you were the one who wanted a house in a nice quiet "neighborhood" - the same subdivision you now live in where the dogs next door won't shut up!