Rock-Bottom Movie

For those wondering when America would hit rock bottom, I think the suspense just ended. here's where we stand now: We have an idiot in the White House who demonstrates the theory of insanity by trying the same failed ideas, expecting diiferent results each time. Popular music is dominated by the worst elements of its worst forms, teen-pop and hip-hop. We rank forty-fifth among the world's nations in literacy, as evidence by bestselling books aimed at people who don't (not can't, don't) read. We're unable to win a war we can't afford to lose, and we're universally hated. Sean Hannity is the most trusted man in America, holding a position once held by the esteemed Walter Cronkite. Michael Savage, whose latest book is titled "Liberalism Is a Mental Disorder," is a close second. The Christian right keeps getting more influential, as does the cultural influence of NASCAR. We have an enormous private fleet of gas-guzzling, environmentally unfriendly sport-utility vehicles, and we seem to be shooting for having more Mercedes-Benz safari wagons (none of which will ever be taken off road) than in all of Kenya. Musical theater is dominated by shows based on oldies. Americans are more disconnected from high culture than ever before, unable to tell Paloma Herrera from Paloma Picasso - or even unable to tell you who Pablo Picasso was. There's nothing good on TV. And it's virtually impossible to find a good movie. 

It's this last point that's annoyed me of late. I couldn't help but notice that most of the movies out today are either haphazard original comedies and dramas, remakes (though I did enjoy Tim Burton's reworking of Roald Dahl's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" - I'll get to that later), and movies based on TV shows. 

The latest movie based on a TV show is The Dukes of Hazzard, which grossed over thirty million dollars in its first weekend and raced to the top of the box office list with frightening rapidity - and frightening vapidity. I haven't seen this movie - for the record, the original TV show made "Three's Company" play like Chekhov by comparison - but everything I've heard about it leads me to believe that it is exquisitely rotten.

The producer of The Dukes of Hazzard said he wanted to make a movie full of "red-blooded Americana." Alas, he appears to have succeeded. Everything wrong with America is encapsulated in this movie in all its horror. You get America's vicious racism - not only does Bo and Luke's General Lee Dodge, complete with a Confederate flag, return, but there's even a scene with Bo and Luke driving through a black neighborhood after getting black soot all over their faces. (Cute!) You get red-blooded misogyny in scenes featuring a barely dressed Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke. You get Jessica Simpson, whose own celebrity and dubious singing career is almost perfectly representative of the sorry state of our popular music. You get the charm of the lovable cracker and the salute to the seriously unlettered, as well as the romance of car chases and car crashes - yes, Burt Reynolds is indeed in this movie - and the myth of the moonshine-running outlaw, all of which symbolizes NASCAR. And, you get the state of American cinema in general with this, the mother of all moron movies. Imagine a movie that offends both the NAACP and a cast alumnus of the original series (Ben Jones, who played Cooter the mechanic) , and you have The Dukes of Hazzard. 

Reality television - even a revamped version of "The Apprentice," with Martha Stewart - is looking pretty good right now. :-O (P.S. Lest you think we're headed for a backlash against TV show-based movies, dig this: The esteemed director Michael Mann is making a movie based on "Miami Vice.")