A Salvation Bracelet?

Still looking for that special Christmas gift for the intolerant right-wing Christian fundamentalist in your life? Well, look no further than the holiday gift guide in Christianity Today, a magazine that, despite its name, only covers evangelical Christians stuck in the fifteenth century. Amaze your God-fearing, Muslim-hating, anti-secularist ladyfriends with a "salvation bracelet":

A sterling silver cross bracelet with Austrian crystals, what a beautiful way to express and share the gift of salvation. Each bracelet by Bob Siemon Designs features 21 crystals, seven different colors, each representing a scripture. Includes a card explaining each color's meaning and a salvation prayer.

And you can get it for only sixty-five dollars!

Looking for that special present for the Oral Roberts or Bob Jones student in your family? Well, how about, for $29.97, a TruthQuest expedition Bible with its own "ballistic nylon" carrying case?

Case includes stylish bungee cord, inside storage pockets with embroidered logo, [and] decorative zipper pull . . . 

Of course, if you're on a budget - owing to the fact that the Bush administration, freshly elected to a second term by Christian fundamentalists, has cut programs affecting your bottom line - fourteen dollars can buy you the latest collection of "Christmas in My Heart," a series of books for folks who may read only one book a year other than the Bible!

Experienced editor and compiler Joe Wheeler brings a new collection of powerfully inspiring Christmas stories to the Christmas in My Heart series. These moving stories have become part of a Christmas tradition for thousands of families who have come to love their Christ-centered, love-filled message.

So that's what Christmas is all about!

But wait - there's more! If you know someone who loved Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ, they're sure to love this silver crown-of-thorns pendant for only forty-eight dollars:

The Passion of the Christ has impacted millions of people this year. This solid sterling sliver Passion Crown of Thorns pendant by Bob Simeon Designs will provide you with the opportunity to share your passion for Christ to many more. officially licensed by Mel Gibson's Icon Productions.

"Officially licensed by Mel Gibson's Icon Productions!" Well, there you are - how can you resist?

And finally, for that really special evangelical Christian on your shopping list, how about a cross with the word "JESUS" spelled out on it in crystals for - wait for it - eighty-nine bucks? And this gift doesn't just use any old crystals - it features SWAROVSKI crystals!

In all seriousness, these products, ranging from merely amusing to utterly absurd to outright tacky, only serve to remind us how appalled Jesus would be if He could see what was being sold in His name. Or, as Bob Dylan once put it, "It's easy to see without looking too far that not much is really sacred."