Ben and Jen Again

The celebrity magazines are now reporting that Ben Affleck has moved on and begun dating "Alias" actress Jennifer Garner, instigating the second coming of "Bennifer."

Umm, Benny-boy? Are you reading this after having Googled yourself? Because I have something to say to you, and although you're not going to like it much, you'd better consider it carefully. . . . You can't be famous if all you do is date cuties named Jennifer! You're an actor; you create fictional characters for a living. . . . And you mean to tell me you're a celebrity because of the women you date? And you actually suggested that part of the obsession the media had with your romance with Jennifer Lopez was because of the interethnic angle? No, I think it was because of the fact that you and J-Lo were both talented actors who somehow got sidetracked into making headlines more than making movies! I have two cousins romantically involved with Hispanics, but you don't see them on the cover of Us magazine!

And about your movies. . . .When are you going to make a movie people are actually interested in seeing? Your problem isn't that you make lame movies - Hollywood puts out plenty of them - but that you make lame movies no one wants to see. If you're not going to do a movie with a great script, would it hurt to at least do a movie about a comic book superhero people have actually heard of? Daredevil? What next, Mr. Justice? The Jaguar? I mean, hello?!?

And about this Jennifer fetish. . . well, where do I begin? Jennifer Lopez? Who measures love by the hours in a day? Because she has trouble staying married even that long! Sure, she's a hot Puerto Rican bird, and she's a better actress than people give her credit for, but what does it say about her when her only successful relationship was her on-screen chemistry with George Clooney in Out of Sight? And she was only playing a character, yet her relationship with Clooney was much more credible than her real-life romance with you! And now Jennifer Garner? Who's next if this doesn't work out, Jennifer Love Hewitt? And if you run out of Jennifers to date, there's always this lovely lass!

:-D

I hope this has been helpful, Benny.

P.S. I'm not making fun of the woman I linked you to just now. Truth is, Ben, she's accomplished more as a performer than you have! :-p